Thursday, April 26, 2012

The Many Faces of Goddess

You all know I love and adore my baby girl who is now a very crazy "I'm 7 don't call me 6" year old. Which I found out yesterday in the middle of an argument with her.  What were we arguing about you ask? Why, let me tell you! Homework. We argue about it at least 5 times a week. It is never done without a problem.

Goddess can't be bothered with it. It is "soooo boring" and "soooo hard"! I am surprised that I still have a voice considering all the yelling I do on a daily basis.

Never in my life have I loved someone so much and been so angry with them at the same time. Most sessions end up with me losing my patience after an hour of begging and pleading with her to please, just do her homework. After the first hour, I am done. She is rude, disrespectful and whiny and I don't do whiny. Usually after being yelled at she is sent to her room, cries, I get upset and eventually we are hugging and sitting to once more try to finish the homework. Sometimes it is 1 hour, sometimes 2, sometimes 3. It all depends on her. Oh don't get me wrong, it is not like her teacher has given her too much. She is only in the first grade and the homework, if she did it without complaining, whining and getting up numerous times would take 15 minutes at the most. She can't do it! Impossible.

The other day after her first escort to her bedroom for a time out, she came back with a little note that said, "I love you Mommy", with her name! Which of course, made me cry. Which of course lead to a long discussion about how my yelling isn't about not loving her. That I gave her more than enough time to turn this around but she chose to take it up a notch causing me to be angry. Also, she got an ear full of, "homework is only going to get harder honey.This is something YOU have to do. It will not help you if I give you the answers. You have to do it yourself."

In Goddess' defense, she is not interested. It is too structured, life is too full of to be straddled with books, sight words, and math. I get it. I understand it! still has to be done!

She is lucky I adore her. She is lucky I love her soooo much because if I didn't...I wouldn't be able to control myself during the ridiculous moments like yesterday when she threw a pencil which is something she does all the time but this hit me in the face! Oh God! My blood pressure was up. I felt myself losing it. Told her that she better run. Handsome is still laughing about it; "Girl! You better run." I find it funny now but at the time all I wanted to do was smack her.

Being that I am not a hitter she got off with a time out. Me slamming a bunch of cabinets as I made dinner and than another talking to.

What would you do with this? How would you handle homework with a kid like this?


  1. Maybe she would respond better to small rewards for doing her homework? Like...maybe if she does it without complaint for thirty minutes, she gets to choose a dessert for dinner. Or she gets a sticker or point that she can collect to cash in on a special treat. Or...something else! :) You get the idea!

    Of course, you could always go the other way, and say she doesn't get dessert when her homework wasn't done, etc. But most kids respond better to the promise of a treat they can earn than to the threat of a punishment.

    How did you get Handsome to do his homework?

    By the way...she is so gorgeous, even when she's making funny faces! :)

  2. Maybe you should let her do her homework on her own for a few days, with no intervention from you, no prodding, no telling her to get it finished. Tell her she has 45 minutes to get it done and leave her to it. If she chooses not to do it, maybe her teacher will explain there are consequences, and that she has to be responsible for her actions. And if she does her homework by herself (or mostly by herself with no drama) for a week, then she'll get a reward at the end of the week. It's worth a try, right?

  3. The above comment sounds great! But, one thing is for sure you can't go on the same way. Remember the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. You have to act differently for sure. Set the rules and if not punishment of some sort. It will only get worse if you don't do something. She is strong willed. I had one of those and I have been there. It does get worse!!! No more yelling by you. She knows she's got ya. You are now calm and direct and to the point. I know this is easy to say you say but you know your child. Be consistent and no more changing your mind. The strong willed child is wonderful. You just have to be smarter!!! Good luck!!! Rita

  4. THANKS You Guys!
    She is definitely a piece of work.
    The yelling starts after 2 hours. I am so unbelievably patient for too long. I think I need to lose it earlier.

    She can't work on her own because she can't write or read yet which is why I am trying to get the school to consider holding her back.

    Hopefully this summer I can get her into a special session with a teacher because I believe the reason it is so hard for us is because it is so hard for her. She really can't do it and is stressed so she makes light of it.

    The other day we went to my girlfriends house and I had her do her homework there. She did awesome. Another friend who teaches told me to have her go there for a homework playdate. Hopefully I can set that up too.

    Renee, I have sent her in without her homework done and wrote to the teacher telling how what happened. She is awesome.

    Maybe rewards will work. My problem with rewards is that what I do for one kid, I have to do for the other. Will talk to the Teach about this.

    Heather, I think with Handsome, he just wants to get it done as quickly as possible so he can move on. I have spent the past 3 years trying to get him to slow down.

    Rita, she is definitely that and my patience is very thin. I end up with a headache everyday over 1st grade homework. It is crazy. It has to change, you are right.

    Thanks for your suggestions. It means a lot to me.

  5. I really hope you find what works :)


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