Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Dialogues with Goddess

The other night after her bath I was combing her hair. Whenever we comb her hair or put it in a ponytail she utters, “I’m not pretty.”

I assume this is because for the past 2 years whenever we combed we must have told her she was pretty. She is!

Me: You are

Goddess: No, I’m not

Me: Are you ugly?

Goddess: No, I’m not ugly.

Me: Are you cute?

Goddess: No, I’m not cute.

Me: So what are you?

Goddess: I am beautiful!!!

Ahhh, I can only hope that she is always so confident. Even when she is giving me her mad face which she totally staged.

Wordless Wednesday - Hair Gelled and Loving Himself

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

10 For Tuesday

10 of my Favorite Songs in random order.

This is actually really hard. I love music and there are so many songs that I love.

Black - Pearl Jam - God damn I love this song. I love everything Pearl Jam. His voice, the words, the depth of the songs. The last line in particular gots me everytime. There was a time in my life when I played that line over and over. “I know one day you’ll have a beautiful life, I know be a star in someone else’s skye, why (especially this word) can’t it be me?

Like the way I do - Melissa Etheridge - There is nothing I don’t like of Melissa’s but this song really spoke to me. I love the grainy, tough, strong quality in her voice but in this song in particular you can feel the passion, hurt, anger, you feel when you just want someone so bad but have to compete with someone else.

The River - Bruce Springsteen - God damn I love this song. Springsteen rocks and always will.

This song is so friggin good. It is hard to pick a favorite of Springsteen’s work. His words are strong, sexy, meaningful and full of life. Love him. Simply the BOSS.

Round Here - Counting Crows- I played this Cassette until it was unplayable. What is not to love? My name is in the song and who doesn’t want to hear someone say, “she’s always on my mind”? Ahhh…if only.

With Arms Wide Open - Creed - With songs like What’s This Life For (close tie for favorite Creed song), My Sacrifice, Torn, My Own Prison, What if, One Last Breath it is nearly impossible to pick a favorite. I love the singer’s voice, the words, the meaning of the songs. I had high hopes for this band. I found the singer and the guitar player grrr…sexy as hell but like most awesome bands they crashed and burned and all I have left are a few great songs. This song in particular speaks of when he first heard he was going to have a son and what he wished for his son. I sang this song to my belly when I was expecting my son.

Boy’s of Summer - Don Henley - One of the best songs ever written. I get such warm feelings when I hear this song. I reminds me of quiet moments on warm summer days, riding in a car, wind in my hair, heading back from the beach.

Crash - Dave Matthews - Such a friggin sexy song. Dave is the bomb. I’ll crash into him any day!

If -Bread- One of my favorite songs to sing. It is simply beautiful and it reminds me of my childhood. This was on the radio all the time in 1971.

Space Between - Dave Matthews - Dave sings words I would pay to hear someone say to me. “You cannot quit me so quicky, Will I hold you again” and my favorite, “Take my hand because we’re walking out of here.” A wet Dave playing a guitar in the video doesn’t hurt either.

Edge of Seventeen- Stevie Nicks - I adore Stevie and Fleetwood Mac so actually picking a favorite is like asking me to chose a favorite between my children(Sara, Dreams, The Chain, Leather and Lace, Landslide, Rhiannon, Edge of Seventeen). Impossible! Edge with it’s guitar intro and Stevie’s flowing shawl still gives me chills. Growing up in the 70’s circa 1975 every girl wanted to be Stevie. We wanted her hair, we wanted to dress like her, sound like her, she was the S-H-I-T. One regret for me is that I have never seen her in concert. She is one hot, talented chick, one of the best female song writers of all time and she still rocks. For me, she is the VOICE of the 70’s and the original Goddess.
The clouds…never expect it…when it rainsBut the sea changes colours…but the sea…Does not changeAnd so…with the slow…graceful flow..of ageI went forth…with an age old…desire…to pleaseOn the edge of…seventeen
This is Stevie to me!!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Manic Monday - Wish

Today for Manic Monday over at It’s A Blog Eat Blog World, the word is Wish. I found this both difficult and easy to write about.

Who doesn’t wish for things? Who doesn’t wish that things could be different or wish we had more time with loved ones?

The women in the picture is my mother circa 1956. I wish I knew who the guy was. I know this was her prom and I wish I had that dress.
My mom died when I was 12. I wish I had more time to get to know her. I wish I could know her as a women, not a wife, daughter or sister but the Diane the women.
I wish that I could pick up a phone and call her. I wish I could remember her voice, how she smelled, how she felt.
I wish I could feel that mother love. The love that only your mother can give you.
I wish I knew if she was proud of me. I wish I could see her hold my children. I wish my children could know their grandmother. I wish I could tell her “I love you” and hear it back.

I wish I had another day, another hour, another minute with her. I wish she were here!!!

Friday, January 25, 2008

Potty Training the Goddess

Disclaimer: This post is not a bible for potty training. I know nothing about how to train your kid let alone my own. Find what works for you and stick with it. I used 2 different approaches and feel like potty training was fairly easy for me. I know that is not the norm. We were just lucky. BTW…I am going to be using the word poop often.

When I was potty training Handsome, I kept a detailed record of it on my blog. There was a definite beginning and a definite end. Goddess training on the other hand, has been a totally different experience.

She started back around October 2006 on her own. She was 1.5 years old and wanted to sit on the potty. I took her out of the bathroom thinking she just wanted to sit on the potty but never took off her pj’s. We went back and forth about 4 times before I had a light-bulb moment. Maybe she really wants to SIT on the potty. I took of her pj’s and lo and behold she peed. Holy crap! ( I know I have this whole episode on my blog but I am not finding it).

Because she was so young I never asked her and just let her tell me when she had to go. It was great. I was certain she would train herself. That lasted about 2 months. She would go when she wanted but other times in her diaper. We carried around a fold up seat that I kept with me in a bag in my pocketbook and when she mentioned having to go while we were out (others homes, stores, libraries) we had something to use. She was going on the potty about 60% of the time. Not bad for a 2 year old.

Then in October I started to semi-train her as per my blog on October 22, 2007. She did well but I never really enforced it. She was going on her own so much that I figured we had this figured out.

Then her first poop post was back in November 2007. Yeah that was an interesting day. She totally tricked me by putting her poop in the bowl with her hand and claiming that she had gone potty.

Fast forward to the present….

She has been peeing on the potty so long that it almost seems like she was born knowing how to do this. She will be 3 in April and hasn’t had an accident during the day or at night for about 3 weeks.

I am shocked.

Last Saturday, I stopped the diapers completely. No day or night diapers! I can’t believe the amount of money I will be saving. I think I should put that amount in her savings. I am going to figure that out tonight when I have some more time.

Monday was the first time we headed out of the house for the whole day without diapers. She went on the potty the whole time at my sisters. No accidents on the 2 hours drive there or back and when we got home she pooped on the potty. It was the first time and I was ready to celebrate.

We called her Godmother and she spoke on the phone about what she had done. An hour later she pooped in her pants. I was shocked. She only goes once a day! What the hell was this about?

I told her how disappointed I was and asked if she would go on the potty next time. She said “yes.”

Tuesday, she didn’t go at all.

Wednesday, she asked for a book and I left the bathroom and told her to call me when she was done. I didn’t expect much and wasn’t confident that she would go.

She ran out naked saying that she had gone poop. “I did a big poop! Come see.”

I got up expect a pile of her dirty underwear and pants on the floor.

She stood over the potty and pointed. There it was!

I dropped to my knees and hugged her telling her how proud I was. She was so proud of herself and we hugged for a long time as she said, “I did it!”

Yesterday (Thursday) she said, she had to go potty. We headed in there and I asked if she wanted a book. She said, “Yes, I want a wittle kitty book and my Dora book.”
I handed them to her and left telling her to call me when she was done. I again didn’t expect a miracle but I was hopeful.

She came running out again naked and told me to come see.

Side note: I love watching her run naked. Her little, perfect butt cracks me up every time.

As I walked in, I saw her concentrating and then she said, “Oh, I have another. Will you read to me?”

I went over a book with pictures pointing and asking questions, which she answered appropriately.

When she was done she asked to be wiped. I told her I was so proud of her and that she was almost ready for school.

She really wants to go to school with her brother so I have been telling her that they don’t take little girls in diapers. I guess I am going to have to change it to they don’t take little girls who can’t wipe themselves.

While I am not expecting there not to be accidents or for her to forget, but now that we have poop under our belt so to speak I say we are pretty much on our way. Yippy!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Manic Monday "Date"

Manic Monday guidelines:
Use the word Date anyway you want in a post

On my first date with my husband, I went to see Terminator 2 which I had already seen with another guy the prior week.

When he mentioned Terminator 2, I just said “sure” and tried not to let on during the movie.
We were supposed to have a date the week before but he stood me up, hence the date with the other guy.

He thought I was still dating my ex who was trying to get me back so instead of going on a date with me he decided to work.
I had never been stood up before, so I tracked him down through his sister who gave me his work number. She was surprised that he stood me up because as she said, “he doesn’t date much.”

I don’t see Terminator 2 as a great date movie but for some reason, 2 guys wanted to see it badly.

The date ended up lasting until the next day and changed my life.

My Goddess Cracks Me Up

I love, love, love my kids. I also love, love laughing and I have a lot of very funny people in my life. My sister, my friends, Bek and Teresa, my husband but honestly there is no one that cracks me up as much as my daughter. She is 3 months shy of 3 years old but she is FUNNNNY!!!

Maybe it’s because she is so tiny that you don’t expect the random things to come out of her mouth. Maybe it’s because she is just friggin funny. I don’t know, the point is this…she makes me laugh more than anyone else I have ever met. On top of being funny she can be the sweetest baby girl on earth.

I love her “I’m sorry”, whenever she hears that you hurt yourself, or don’t feel well, or when she walks by you and knocks into you (even if she doesn’t). I love her roars when she plays with dinosaurs or other animals.

I adore the way she holds your face (one little tiny hand on each cheek) and demands a kiss, “give me a kiss.” Then she plants one on your lips and says, ”thank you.”

I love all the made up songs she sings and the way she wants to dance whenever you put a dress or skirt on her.

I love when she asks you to sing with her. I love that she knows so many songs. “I want Fabulous“, and “The Sun will Come Out Tomorrow”, coupled with most Christmas songs, Nursery Rhymes, T.V. Themes, whatever her heart desires and she has no problem singing them at the top of her lungs as we walk through the supermarket. She usually does a medley of about 10 songs complete with “everybody” as she gets to the chorus. She’s my natural born entertainer, making up her own songs too.

But sometimes she just says thats that are so funny. Like today when she put her hands behind her and said, “I’m shaking my booty. Look at me, I’m shaking my booty.”

Friday, she left her little TY Wilbur pig at my son’s school. She almost hyperventilated in the car when she realized. “Oh, oh no…I left my pig at school. He’s on the table where I was eating snack. Oh no, he’s going to be all alone. Oh no!!” I told her we would call the school and that Ms. Kate would take it home for the weekend and it would be ok. She seemed fine after that. Then at about 7:30 p.m. last night she said, “I miss my wittle pig.” I turned and said, “awww you miss your little pig?” She said, ”yeah, I want to see him.” How friggin cute is she? I told her that Ms. Kate was taking care of the pig and we would see him soon.

Last night when she and my son were using me as their own personal jungle gym, they both ended up sitting on my lap at the same time. She turned to me and said, “Mom, are you Santa Claus?” I laughed saying “why, because you are sitting on my lap?” I was actually concerned about the question and what she actually meant because she is just too damn smart. She said, “yeah, we are sitting on your lap, do you feel like Santa?”

Today she was lying on the floor moving her arms and legs, I asked her what she was doing and she said making snow angels. Cute!!

She has no problem telling me or anyone else, “no, I don’t want to.” If we don’t give her what she wants she also has no problem screaming like the banshee girl she is.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Giveaway at 5 Minutes for Mom from Best Buy

Need an MP3 Player? I do! I don't have one and would love to listen to my music again. Since having kids it has been Blue's Clues, Sesame Street and Disney cassette tapes. Yes I said cassette tapes! Grr...I think it's time for mom to reacquaint herself with the likes of Staind, Foo Fighters, Queensryce, Bon Jovi, Bruce, Melissa Etheridge, Fleetwood Mac and whatever my heart desires at the moment.

If you are like me and would love to win a MP3 player for yourself or someone else you care about (Valentines Day is approaching), check out 5 Minutes for Mom and their Best Buy sponsored giveaway.

See you there!

Friday, January 18, 2008

IEP Meeting Continued

Ok, so to continue the story from yesterday.

The IEP meeting was called because I am trying to extend the hours of his current SEIT (Special Education) instructor. Her name is Caroline and I adore her. We have worked with tons of awesome people. There was Kristie, Michelle, Tara, Brandi, Beth, Caroline, Andrea and God damn it what was her name? I loved her too. I can see her face and hear her voice but her name is lost to me at the moment. Anyway…I love these women. They are a wonderful bunch of people and some of them have truly cared for my son above and beyond a therapist. I have found friends in most of them along the way and stay in touch with all most of them.

Caroline, came on board in September. She attends 2 of his 3 class with him (getting there 15 minutes after he arrives and leaves 15 minutes before he leaves). When she started I mentioned that mostly his academic abilities were very advanced however his social abilities needed some work. She was going to work on helping him assert himself into social situations which is something Tara had been helping us with all along.

Ok, back to the reason for the meeting.

The whole things started on November 9th (it was a Friday), when my son told me that he didn’t want to go to school. He always wants to go to school so I figured he must not be feeling well so I kept him home.

The following Monday he still didn’t want to go. I told him that school was his job and that he had to go. I didn’t think much of it but when we got to the school he said, “No, I don’t want to go” but he got out of the car and went anyway.

The next 4 drops offs were the same.

After about 2 weeks he started crying that he “couldn’t” go to school and I had to drive away a few times because I couldn’t get him to go into the school. On those days I held Mommy school a and kept talking about how important it was for him to go to school. I told him that he wants to go to Kindergarten and this was the first step.

Thanksgiving came and went and I thought we would get through this phase.

December, I started walking him into class and staying because he would shake and cry saying “you can’t leave.”

Right before Christmas I was walking him in and headed to the office to sign in. The desk is fairly high and he put his arms as close to the top as he could and as I was signing in he said, “Hi, I am Kevin McCalister and I am here for my room.” If someone is actually reading this, Kevin McCalister is the kids name in the movie Home Alone. In Home Alone 2, Kevin does that line when he checks into a hotel after losing his family in an airport.

As we were walking to his class, Caroline mentioned that maybe he is afraid of being HOME ALONE. Well, maybe that IS it. His dad, the Teach and I discussed this and took Home Alone away vowing we wouldn’t discuss it or let him “act” as Kevin and see what happens.

That was before Christmas. After Christmas break I thought we would be fine and excited to start back at something he loves. Man, was I wrong.

It was actually worse. There were tears, screaming and kicking of the door when I left. I started the tough love thing probably a little too late but I totally understand the abandonment fear because hell, I still have one of my own.

I walked out the door standing against the wall trying to distance myself from the fact that the child who was crying wasn’t mine. It was impossible but over time I did learn to just ignore the cries and wait until the stopped. It was never more than 5 minutes before he calmed down.

He was counting on Caroline a lot and when I left would yell for her to hold him. I had not been sending him on Fridays because I didn’t want him to also feel abandoned by her too.

The last two weeks I started calling in the women who heads up these IEP meetings to try to calm him because I couldn’t leave the school until I knew that he was calm and involved in something.

She (Nina) would go in and talk to him and he would stop crying in less than a minute but now I felt like I was counting on her.

Long, drawn out post here….so that’s the history…now let’s cut to the chase.

The meeting is to extend Caroline’s hours to have her there from the moment he arrives until it is time to leave and also have her there the 3 days he’s there.

Hopefully, the Board considers that he will be aged out in May and allows this for the next few months.

Tomorrow; the decision that I have to make in regards to Kindergarten.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Self Portrait - Celebration - Week 2

Celebrating just being alone for a moment. I can count on both my hands the amount of time I have been away from my kids in 4 years. Being with them is exactly where I want to be but it would be nice to be alone with my own thoughts if only for a brief moment.

This was taken after everyone was asleep and I had some time to sit down in silence and enjoy a glass of... well actually this was just seltzer but the point is this I was alone and isn't that what most moms of young ones with for?

What the hell is an I.E.P?

Well fact is I happen to know what it is. It is a term used in Early Intervention Services for an Individual Education Plan. My Handsome has been in Early Intervention Services for almost 3 years now. It started with speech in 2005.

I have spoken very little about my son's early education (here is a little background on why the whole process was started in the first place) on my blog because the whole process is such a bore and truly mostly unnecessary. While I agree that early intervention is very important, I think that most professionals fail to consider personal life experiences and base everything on a few charts written up by other professionals.

Today, while sitting in yet another I.E.P meeting with a bunch of people as we decided on how to proceed with my son's services, I was reminded of my first impression of these people.

I walked into the meeting armed with an envelope of pictures of my son. I was ready to roll up my sleeves and beat the shit out of anyone who said anything I considered negative or personal. This was my son, a 2 year old baby who just welcomed a new sister into his life and these people, these strangers were going to tell me how I should handle him and his speech delay based on calculations they come up with from interviewing him. Interviewing my 23 month old!

I threw the envelope on the table as I wheeled my sleeping newborn in her carriage into the meeting. "This is the boy you are about to discuss. I know he is only a name on all that paperwork. Here is is." They were excited to look through the pictures and said that they wished more people came in with them. I softened a bit and waited to hear what they had to say. I agreed with only about 25% of their findings and felt that a lot of things were taken out of context. I had sat down the night before and gone over all the paperwork and there was a lot of it. Every therapist who sat with him for 10-20 minutes had a report of about 10-18 pages long. I had made notes in the margin and highlighted things that I wanted to address. Things that were incorrect, taken out of context or had changed since the interviews.

The group decided on speech therapy, occupational therapy and special instruction. I thought and still think that everything else is totally unnecessary and tell every new therapist that starts exactly that.

The meeting today was nothing like that first meeting. Because I am in their face and make myself available, say hello when I am in the building they know me, my daughter and my son by face and name. The meeting which included my two kids today (who were awesome by the way) went really well.

I think this post is long enough so I will stop here for now. Tomorrow I will write more about why the meeting was called today and the decision I have to make. Until then I wanted to leave this message for my son.

Baby Boy, everything I do is for you. I want you to always know how proud I am of you and how far you have come. I have recently watched some video of you from a year ago and I am floored with your advancements. You are incredibly smart, very interested in learning, love writing, recently your newest addiction is Xbox. You play for 1.5 - 2 hours as a reward for doing well in school. You beg to play it daily but the 3 school days are enough for now. I put you on a timer and you know when it rings your time is up and shut it off. The therapists and every professional in that meeting were extremely impressed with how intelligent you are. You are a little shy at times but occasionally you are very much the social butterfly wanting everyone to talk to you. You are a big help to me with your sister and I love how you play the big brother role for her. Helping her with her shoes, coat, turning on lights or setting up a game for her. You love reading books, pretend playing and reading along to tapes. Your sensitivity surprises me sometimes. You don't like me to be angry with you and cry when you feel I am mad.

I love you with every beat of my heart. You are my heart on legs and I can't wait to see what you do next.

Love Mommy

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Wordless Wednesday - Happy Family

The News Disturbs Me

There have been so many disturbing stories in the news in the last few days I am going to have to cleanse my eyes and ears for a few days. No News For Me until next week!!! I am burnt out.
Between fathers throwing babies off bridges, pregnant Marines being burned beyond recoginition, a father sodomizing his stepson for sodomizing his 8 year old daughter , a man .killing his wife and kids and mothers putting their kids in the oven as punishment why are we so concerned with the news that Miley Cyrus used a body double during a costume change?
Imagine Miley Cyrus uses a body double during a 1-2 minute portion of her concert and people are in an up roar *gasp.* If you want to check out this story go here .
Give me a break people…the girl is the biggest ticket of the year. Should she let her audience mostly 5-10 year olds wait while she has a costume change? Other bands can give us a stellar drum solo while the singer drinks some water and sponges off what should she have done to get ready for the next part of her concert which was changing from Hannah to Miley. Hey people if you don’t know what I’m talking about you don’t have a little one in your house. Google Hannah Montana, watch the Disney channel and educate yourself in the newest tiny bopper this side of the mason dixie.

I guess with Nicole Richie and Christina Aguiler giving birth and Britney in the hospital it is time to pass the baton to the next teen sensation.

I say give Miley a break she is just a kid and I have high hopes for her.
Now I am not sure what happened to this post. I started writing it after hearing about the father who sodomized his stepson and now I am supporting Miley. Go figure.

She is a great role model for young girls who will like her because she is cool but parents can stand behind her because she sings about hanging with your girlfriends, being true to yourself, respecting yourself and not taking scraps from boys when you know you deserve more.

Self Portrait - Celebration - Week 1

Self Portrait had taken a break for the month of December but they are back and this month the portraits are of “celebration.”
Here is my interpretation for this week. Head on over to Self Portrait and check out everyone else or add yourself and let me know.