Saturday, August 27, 2005

No time to blog

I have had no time to blog for myself because I have
been so busy trying to create one for my 19 week old baby.
Here it is!

Oh and here is my son's

A True Friend

A true friend is someone who calls from their mini vacation because I had to talk even through I said, call when you get home. Thanks Bek!!!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Banshee Girl

Thank God she is adorable! She drives me crazy. The screams go through my head and I still hear them even when she is sleeping. Someone, a neighbor, ok a man next door recommened that I put some red wine in a bottle with some water, he said this would help her. I could never justify giving my baby alcohol. Some friends have joked about giving her Benedryl because she doesn't give me a break. With all the craziness, I am absolutely in love with her and know that I will eventually get throught this. Thankfully her Dad is rocking her so that I can have a moment to myself. Ahh...small things, that's what life is all about.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

It's all about me!

I found this on "Comments from the Peanut Gallery" It was different than most of the others I have received so I thought it would be fun to answer.

1. Nervous habits? Shaking my leg and cracking my knuckles
2. Are you double jointed? No
3. Can you roll your tongue? No
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? Yes
5. Can you blow spit bubbles? No, and why the hell would I want to?
6. Can you cross your eyes? Yes but my eyes are screwed up enough so I tend to not do this.
7. Tattoos? Not yet.
8. Piercings? 2 holes in each ear
9. Do you make your bed daily? The beds MUST be made. I have been like that since I was a child. If the bed is made I can concentrate, go figure!

10. Which shoe goes on first? Right one
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? No
12. On the average, how much money do you carry? None
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? Wedding and engagement ring, mom's sweet sixteen ring, cross around my neck and anklet
14. Favorite piece of clothing? Anything that fits right

15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl with a fork and spoon
16. Have you ever eaten Spam? Never
17. Do you use extra salt on your food? Sometimes, ok most of the time
18. How many cereals in your cabinet? None in the cabinet but 5 boxes above the fridge. A sore subject in this house. My husband thinks there are too many
19. What's your favorite beverage? Water, Coffee, Tea and Milk
20. What's your favorite fast food restaurant? Subway
21. Do you cook? Yes

22. How often do you brush your teeth? Two - three times a day
23. Hair drying method? air-dry these days
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? Yes, no virgin hair here

25. Do you swear? Way too friggin much. I have gotten better since having children
26. Do you ever spit? Yes, I have a chronic post nasal drip

27. Animal? Horse
28. Food? Steak
29. Month? October
30. Day of the week? Every
31. Cartoon? Sponge Bob
32. Shoe brand? Never thought about it and don't really care
33. Subject in school? English and biology
34. Color? Blue
35. Sport? Hockey
36. TV shows? Tons of guilty pleasures. I love reality TV. Big Brother, Survivor, American Idol, Surreal Life, The Real World, General Hospital, and Oprah
37. Thing to do in the spring? Enjoy the weather
38. Thing to do in the summer? Stay cool
39. Thing to do in the autumn? Enjoy the weather and the colors
40. Thing to do in the winter? Stay indoors wishing I could go outside

41. In the CD player? Melissa Etheridge
42. Person you talk most on the phone with? Teresa
43. Reading? What to expect the first year, what to expect the toddler years, Going from 1 to 2.
44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows/mirrors? No God never! Those mirrors are not kind.
45. What color is your bedroom? My bedroom is a sad state of affairs. The walls are white the rest of the colors are a melting pot of whatever.
46. Do you use an alarm clock? No I have kids! Don't need one, they wake me way before any clock would dare
47. Window seat or aisle? Aisle I guess

48. What's your sleeping position? Back or side (either)
49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket? Yes, my ears need to be covered, childhood fear
50. Do you snore? So my husband says but I don't know how he could possibly hear me over his own.
51. Do you sleepwalk? N
52. Do you talk in your sleep? I don't believe so. I sleep so little these days I wouldnt have time to have a conversation.
53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? If you consider the husband and the 4 month old.
54. How about with the light on? Yes, only because of how often the kids force me to move about at night
55. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on? Nothing on usually but I can sleep on a picket fence these days
56. Last interesting person you met? Grandma Janey, Wednesday mommy group

Back in the Day

What happened to me? When did I become the person I see looking back in the mirror above the small round sink in the bathroom. Splotchy skin, dark circles under my eyes, a few more grays and a few more wrinkles, wider hips, stomach pouch from 2 cesareans in a little over 2 years, smaller breasts, dry lifeless hair and red eyes?

I remember a time when I felt OK about myself, not great but confident in my skin. I remember a time when I could pretty much point to someone and say I wanted him to ask me out and it would happen. I remember a comment I received (and it will stay with me for the rest of my life) when I confidently walked through the office of one of my many jobs. It was an older women, well older at the time, she was only about 10 years older than I am now maybe about 49. I was just walking minding my own business when she called me over. I remember I was wearing a very vibrant (I was confident)pink and orange suit, I used to call it my sherbert suit. She motioned for me to walk over. She was getting her hair styled at the beauty school that I worked at and she said, "If I had a body like yours, my husband would never leave the house." Yes, it is true to anyone I know personally who reads this. That is her exact quote, I may even ask that it be put on my tombstone/headmarker when I die.

I remember a time when I felt secure in wearing stretch pants, with high heels and a bra top to tend bar (Shut up, it was the 80's and I lived in Jersey). Now I wear comfy pants and a long butt hider type shirt. My hair which has been long my whole life was always styled, I would get tons of compliments on my hair. So long, so healthy, so thick, blah, blah blah. Now it is usually in a ponytail so that my 4 month old doesn't get a face full of dry, straw type hair in the face. How does it happen? How did I just let myself get here? I think I am in need of a much needed physical, spiritual and mental make-over. It is time to think about me. I think I forgot to put myself on the to do list. That is going to change starting now. Stay tuned.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Love being a Mommy

Lately I have been thinking how sad it is that I will never again be pregnant. I decided that I would not be pregnant in my 40s so I am in fact done. As I hold my 4 month old and look into her big grey eyes I think about how she will be the last one and how I have to embrace each and every moment as crazy as it is. Her colic and reflux leave me feeling exhausted most of the time. She screams like a banshee about 8 hours of the day, I spend 10 hours holding her which seems to be the only thing that makes her somewhat happy. Then there is the toddler who cracks me up on a daily basis. I love his sense of humor, his energy, his early language skills, his dances, his singing and even his tantrums. I am enjoying every moment with each one of them knowing how fast life goes by. I drop everything to pay attention to either one of them when they need it because I know there will be a time when they won't need me as much as they do now. That knowledge is something that gets me through even my worse days.

As I check on my sleeping toddler, my heart swells with the love I feel for him. His face is at total peace, his little arm over his head, the other lying across his chest holding his favorite blue blanky. My daughter lies across my lap leaning against my laptop, I stoke her little cheek and she smiles in her sleep. Her little mohawk and rose bud lips make me smile. Her peaceful breathing is in sync with mine. As I look into her beautiful little face all I can think about is how utterly lucky I am to have experienced every little moment I have with my babies. I am lucky to be their mommy and you know what? They are lucky to have me too!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Ahh..peace and quiet

Sitting here, eating lunch, watching pre-recorded Oprah and reading my email and a friends blog. I mention the sitting part because the last time I actually sat to eat was about four weeks ago. I am usually standing, hunched over the counter next to the sink, shoveling food down my gullet as fast as I can chew and swallow while my son stands at the baby gate and calls me (AMA) and my daughter howls in the background. Oprah is a repeat that I have seen more than once but I don't want to get up and look for the remote to forward because that would take time away from my actually sitting and having time to myself. Damn, I think I hear one of them moving around. Oh well at least I got 35 minutes alone. I should be happy for the small stuff. Got to run.

Monday, August 01, 2005

No Time for Myself and Banshee Baby

I started this blog in order to have a place to write about my day as a form of therapy. Unfortunately, I have had no time to myself in so long. Two days ago I headed to CVS (after spending an hour and 8 minutes in a car listening to my daughter scream like I was dipping her wee little fingers in acid one at a time) minus my babies. As I was driving I realized that this was going to be the first time since my daughter was born 3.2 months ago (15 weeks ago) that I was alone.

The trip from door to door was only 31 minutes but it was the most peaceful 31 minutes a person could ask for.

I felt rejuvenate until I walked in the door and my husband was heating up some bagged/frozen breast milk in a bottle warmer, the baby was crying and my son was writing on the table with crayon. Teach crammed a bottle of milk into her mouth saying, "I know baby, you are hungry." I had just fed her before I left so I knew there was no way she was hungry. He kept shoving the bottle in her mouth as she cried and tried to get away from it.

I took her from him because I couldn't watch anymore even though part of me said let him figure it out. I knew she was tired and as soon as I took her she calmed down and went to sleep. Why did I bother going?

MEN, they just think they know it all. Whenever Teach  is holding the baby and she starts crying he tells me that she is hungry regardless of the fact that she was just attached to my boob 10 seconds before.

She is a trying baby. I have never heard anything like it. This girl screams like she is being tortured. She doesn't let me put her down for 2 seconds before she is screaming like a banshee. All I can say is I am thankful I am not an alcoholic because I would have cirrhosis of the liver by now. God made her cute so I don't kill her.