Saturday, December 31, 2005

Happy New Year -- Movie Review

One baby down, one watching Blue's Clues and the husband watching the game which leave me time for blogging. What a way to spend New Year's Eve.

Christmas was awesome. The kids got so many gifts and my sweetie got me a digital camera. It was on my WISH LIST but I hardly expected it. This year has been financially challenging. I am sure he will be paying for it all year.

In the past few days I have watched quite a few movies; some good, some really's the wrap up.

The Notebook - I ABSOLUTELY ADORED IT! What a great movie with great acting. This is the story of a first love, lost love and eternal love. Ryan Gosling (I have to Google him) is adorable and Rachel McAdams has great personality. The story is told through the pages of a notebook that is being read by a gentleman to a women in a nursing home suffering through dementia. I won't say any more that might give the story away but it is totally worth watching.

Hitch - I love Will Smith but I didn't LOVE this movie. I liked it. Will plays a "date doctor who helps the average man score with some above average women. Eve Mendes is annoying as she tries to play the power, I don't need a man to complete me bitch role but eventually falls for Hitch. Kevin James plays the average Joe who hires Hitch to win over the rich chick.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Received the DVD for Christmas. I couldn't wait to pop this baby in. It was OK....I wasn't sure what to expect, I had loved the original so much. I wasn't completely disappointed but I wasn't blown over. Well if you don't know this is the story of poor little Charlie Bucket who wins a Golden Ticket which will get him into the chocolate factory of the eccentric Willie Wonka. The movie is pure Tim Burton who adapted much of the original book by Roald Dahl. I loved seeing how the updated the chocolate factory; film imagery was very different when they filmed the original back in what 1971. My biggest complaint is that Depp is a sadistic version of Michael Jackson this can be a bit annoying at times but other than that I will watch it again. Eventually.

The Longest Yard - I wasn't expecting to like this movie but I did. It wasn't bad at all. I loved Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Burt Reynolds . Adam Sandler plays a pro quarter back who is sent to prison and asked to put together a team of inmates to play against the guards. There are some really funny moments as he heads out to recruit inmates. My husband and I laughed out loud.

The Phantom of the Opera - I loved it! The movie was a dramopera if you will. I loved the music. I love musicals! I had never seen Phantom on Broadway so I am not sure if I would feel differently had I. As I was watching it I was wishing that Les Miserables had been done this way when they tried to make it into a movie. EMMY ROSSUM who plays Christine the Chorus girl who the Phantom falls for is talented and has a beautiful voice. I can't wait to see it again. The movie was beautiful, the costumes stunning, the sets exquisite. What more can I say.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Quick Summary Post

So much happening..I hope to get back to this in the near future.
Girlfriend Christmas Get-Together- Kids (7 of them) had a great time. Love watching all our kids play together it is so heartwarming.
Christmas Shopping-DONE
Christmas Wrapping-DONE
Christmas Pictures-DONE
Christmas Newsletters-MAILED OUT
Christmas Baking-Yule Logs, Sweet Potato Casserole, no candy this year.

Here are the Yule Logs

Sweet Potato Casserole

Sunday, December 11, 2005

There is nothing like Girlfriends!!! oh and a good husband

Wow, what a life! Thursday I hung out with my buddy Bekkah at my home. Fun visit, catching up, and female discussions. My son, Bek's Godson was extremely entertaining and very affectionate. He kept plopping down next to her and putting his head on her arm (her shoulder if he could reach). He came by for tons of hugs and danced around for her. Too funny! My little man! No pics, not sure why! I always have the camera out.

Today I got together with three friends at Houlihans for some lunch, drinks, convo, and laughs. Lunch was awesome (lettuce wraps: sesame chicken wrapped in lettuce leafs, Ahi Tuna Salad: seared rare tuna over nappa cabbage with cilantro, bananas and cashews tossed in banana ginger vinaigrette, big yum, much kudos to Houlis for this one. Wow...I could eat this every day. One tall glass of water, one mojito, one cappachino and a triple berry cobbler).

We were probably loud and obnoxious to our table neighbors but we had the best time. We took pictures. laughed, and ate. Man did I eat. I am not used to getting to eat without little ones around. I don't know if I came up for air until I was done with my berry cobbler.

The biggest problem was that I had not nursed my daughter for 6 hours and I couldn't wait to get home. I was sure that her daddy had feed her but I was so uncomfortable.

About the man..he was loving, talkative and sexy for the past three days. There is nothing like a man who tells you here's some money, go out with your friends, the kids and I will have fun. Yesterday he took the boy out in the snow for almost 2 hours. He also called a friend to congratulate them on some good news and offer his services for anything they need, he did a friend a favor and when they paid him for it he decided to put the money back into their medical fund. What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man. a friend joked that he must have been visited by the ghosts of Christmas past.

Here are some pics from today

Here are pics from yesterday in the snow

Monday, December 05, 2005

The tree is up..Christmas has arrived

Yesterday my husband put the tree up (after the game of course). It seems like every year since my son was born I put out less Christmas decorations which doesn't seem right. I thought I would put out more because I want him to experience the Christmas magic that I had as a child. There really is no place to put the things I would like to put out which is probably why. We have a bi-level or a raised ranch which haves a half wall in the living room. I used to use that wall to put all the bric-a-brac. Now with the 2 year old who would love to hear the crashing noise as he sent my collectibles over the edge that seems impossible. is the tree

Here is my son running around very excited about the tree

Here is the little girl, playing on the floor - finally...she sits up! Hooray!

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Amateur Movie Review - The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

Yesterday when my husband was working, and the little man took a nice long nap I decided to rent a chick flick. I had wanted to see the Sisterhood when it was in the movies because I adore Amber Tamblyn since her General Hospital days and Joan of Arcadia she is also a very talented writer; and who doesn't love Alexis Bledel from The Gilmore Girls but since I have 2 little ones, and it is a CHICK FLICK it was pretty much out of the question.

What a great friendship movie. I love movies that remind me that one of the best things in life is to have great girlfriends. I now need to read the book by Anne Brashares. The story is of 4 friends who spend their first summer apart. They meet as babies, their moms were all in the same prenatal exercise class. Got to love that! They find a special pair jeans that fits all of them perfectly (only in the movies). Everyone wears the jeans for a week and then passes it on to the next with a note about what special thing happened to them while wearing the special pants.

The storyline rocked, the actors shined and the tears did flow. I love a movie that makes me cry if only for a moment.

Friday, December 02, 2005

7 Things

I got this from YukonMom way back in September.

7 things that scare me:

1. The thing in the shower
2. The thing under the bed
3. The thing in the closet
4. Being a passenger instead of the driver. I am a horrible passenger
5. Flying
6. The thought of something happening to one of my babies
7. Fire

7 things I like the most:
1. Spending time with my little family
2. My girlfriends
3. My kids smile/laughter
4. Music
5. Autumn weather
6. The smell of toast and coffee in the morning
7. A really great book and time to read it

7 random facts about me:
1. I am extremely sensitive and cry easily
2. My dad is gay
3. I wanted kids for many years before I actually had them
4. I love being a Mommy
5. I met my husband after following him through 2 cities by car
6. I love to sing
7. I ain't so good at singing

7 things I plan to do before I die:
1. See the Northern lights
2. Learn to quilt
3. See a space shuttle launch
4. Take my kids to Disney
5. Write a book
6. Go on vacation with my husband
7. See my grandchildren

7 things I say the most:
1. "No!"
2. "F*ck"
3. "Wait a minute"
4. "Jesse!"
5. "Hello?"
6. "You want Wiggles?"
7. "Hi Baby"

7 celeb crushes:
1. George Clooney
2. Johnny Depp
3. Leonard DiCaprio
4. Tim McGraw
5. Nick Lachey
6. Bruce Willis
7. Maurice Benard

7 favorite drinks:
1. Water
2. Tea
3. Coffee
4. Dr. Pepper
5. Milk
6. Seltzer
7. Champagne

7 memorable kiddie shows I used to watch:
1. Sigmen the Sea Monster
2. Sesame Street
3. Puff N Stuff
4. The Magic Garden
5. The Buggaloos

Thursday, December 01, 2005

5 Things I am grateful for today

  1. My husband bringing home a piece of chocolate cake after hearing how stressed I was.
  2. Bek calling in from the road to talk about her day.
  3. A new local drive through breakfast place. It is so hard to take two babies out of the car just to get a cup of coffee or a breakfast roll.
  4. Another beautiful day; crisp and bright.
  5. My son's little kisses on my head while I try to get in a few minutes of stomach exercises.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Amatuer Movie Review - War of the Worlds

Last night I watched War of the Worlds starring Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning with my husband. The movie had me on the edge of my seat after the first 10 minutes and I thought that H.G. Wells would have been really proud until the last 10 minutes. It was like being on a rollercoaster; you are heading into the last, biggest loop, your breath is caught in your throat as you anticipate the stomach churning finale that got you on the ride in the first place but then the lights go dark and you come to a slow rolling stop! That's it?! Because the movie was so good up until that point I can almost forgive the ending.

Tom Cruise is getting long in the tooth and looks like Mr. Big from Sex and the City. Dakota Fanning who is a wonderful little actress in the making (I am Sam and Man on Fire), is reduced to screaming every other second and Tim Robbins is the creepy fellow who invites them into his basement to hide. The intense moments and frantic escapes left me holding my breath. The special effects and the scary alien machines were frightening but I wish the ending had more punch!

All in all I would watch it again

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Please Vote for My Daughter

I just received an email from telling me that my daughter has been selected to participate in their baby photo contest. If you have the chance please vote for Goddess. She is in the babies 0-12 section.

People can vote once daily from the same computer but hey if you have access to another computer....

I am so thrilled that she was selected and although I don't think she will win the month of November that would be fun too.

Thank you for your support

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

What I am Thankful For

As Thanksgiving approaches I find myself thinking about the many things I am thankful for.

A few years ago I had a gratitude journal (Oprah idea) and would write 5 things a day I am grateful for. Sometimes it would be as simple as being grateful for a really great cup of coffee and other times it was being thankful for being above ground. Whatever it was, I love reading where I was then. I need to get back to basics; for my sanity! I think the gratitude journal would be a wonderful way of dealing some of the stress I feel on a daily basis as of late. So here it I am grateful for:

  • My son giving me a million unsolicited, very loud kisses today
  • My daughter finding my stupid, weird, spastic dance entertaining as I struggled to keep her happy while I made dinner.
  • My husband coming home safely; the weather was hideous tonight.
  • The pumpkin pie bars I made tonight for the first time coming out beautiful for my Mom and Tot brunch tomorrow.
  • My dear friend Teresa for all she has done for me lately. You are a true friend with a big heart and I love you!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Maria Needs

I got this idea from Belinda's blog. You type your name into Google followed by the word "needs." See what comes up. Mine is so true!!!

Maria Needs
Needs help
Constant care
To learn to let go
Engaged during non-sleep hours
To find something to sell, give away, throw out or burn
Your help
Go careful
An eating plan
To walk, just walk

End of my Rope

I am a women at the end! I am hanging on by a knot I tied into my thread and the threads are fraying. I think sometimes I am being selfish and although I try daily to be grateful for everything I have, there are times when I think I am losing my mind.

The 2 year old and the 7 month old banshee girl are challenging. The "girl" has a scream in a category all its own. She can shatter glass and if she is not being held she lets it all out. How can I hold her 24 hours a day when I also have a 2 year old that needs attention too? He is basically a really good kid but has 2 year old tantrums a few times a day and comes with all the average 2 year old challenges. You know what I mean, like touching things when he shouldn't, climbing things that can kill him, not listening, selective hearing, making messes, wanting things he can't have, hitting things, crying at impromptu times, the regular kid thing.

I think it is just too many days of the same thing (juggling two babies under 2 1/2), no time to recharge my batteries, waking 3 times a night to feed the baby, waking before the birds, and feeling trapped and alone most of the time.

Yesterday the husband watched football all day which I don't begrudge him, but hello a little help when I am losing it would be helpful. I never get to CHECK OUT yet he can lie on the couch and watch the games without a bit of guilt. I need to learn how to do that. Yesterday I took the kids out for a bit and then was pretty much trapped with the two of them in the bedroom while he lied on the couch.

I think it is time for some ME time! I need to check out for a while every day. He wanted to know what was wrong with me yesterday but I didn't think it would come out right so I told him we would talk later. Mostly because my son was there but also because I didn't want him to feel attacked. I wish he would once in a while think about editing himself before talking to me. After 14 years he still has no idea how to talk to me. He doesn't take my sensitivity into consideration so I usually end up crying (I am a big crier).

Ummm...ok that felt like a weight off my chest. Sometimes just getting it out is all you need but I do think we need to talk about this in detail. I feel unsupported and sometimes like a single parent. Ok it looks like a good cry is in order. Later!

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Amateur Movie Review - House of Wax

Last night my husband and I watched the 2005 remake of House of Wax. I don't know what makes a movie good to professional critics but for me; I just want something that keeps me interested and makes me feel like I am not wasting precious hours of my life.

House of Wax although not well acted, nor did it have a profound, smart storyline. It is still worth a gander.There's the sexy brooding brother, the cute sensitive boyfriend, the one black guy (like most horror movies), the dopey friend who has a crush on the main chick who is the innocent ingénue type and Paris Hilton.

Basically I'll sum it up for you: Sibling rivalry, car trouble, make-outs, road kill, creepy dude, Siamese twins, blood, wax, and fire. What more can you ask for in a horror movie?

Friday, November 11, 2005

Have you???

Copied from Bekkah's Blog and I am tagging Aussie to show her what a tag is. Mama I'm tagging you too honey.

You're supposed to BOLD the ones you've done:

smoked a cigarette - NEVER

crashed a friend's car

stolen a car

been in love - Thankfully yes and still am

been dumped - Yeah by some prick named Dave and then some shmuck named Mike who I was dumb enough to go back to (insert me hitting myself upside the head)

shoplifted - Yes I was 9 and it was an Archie comic book. I actually ran it back the same night an apologized because I was so sure that they knew and would tell my parents.

been fired - Two times and proud of it

been in a fist fights

snuck out of your parent's house - No but does sneaking out of an apartment I shared with a boyfriend count?

had feelings for someone who didn't have them back - God yes..his name: George Clooney. No really of course!

gone on a blind date - Yes and it was a mistake

lied to a friend - I am sure that somewhere along the line when I was younger this must have happened, but I honestly can't recall.

skipped school - Yeah a lot more than once

seen someone die

had a crush on one of your internet friends

been to Canada

been to Mexico

been on a plane - Yes two times to Florida, once to California and then to St. Lucia for my honeymoon which was 8 years ago this month (my last vacation!!!).

purposely set a part of yourself on fire - God no! Why????!!!!

eaten sushi - Love sushi. It's been so long. Since I am nursing I am afraid to but when I am done that is the first meal I want. Hopefully Bek and Ohio will show me how to make it

been jet-skiing

met someone in person from the internet- No unfortunately not but I would love to meet my Aussie chick, we have been speaking for 4 or 5 years now.

been moshing at a concert

taken pain killers - Yes after my babies were delivered and I wish I still had some of those beautiful little pills ahhhhh

loved and missed someone - come on now, of course

made a snow angel - Yes...and a naked one too brrr

had a tea party - Love my tea, can't wait to buy my daughter her first little china tea set

flown a kite

built a sand castle - It had been years before this summer but we got my son a sand table for his birthday, so this year I made tons for him to demolish much to my dismay

gone puddle jumping - Yeah I am a big dopey kid. Can't wait to take my son on his first outing.

jumped in a pile of leaves - Yes. My dad loved taking pictures of my sister's and I in the leaves and this year I did it with my son. So much fun.

gone sledding - Oh my God...I love sledding but it has been years. Maybe next year with my son

cheated while playing a game - Ummm...I don't think so.

been lonely - Yes. One of my least favorite Christmas memories.

Like fallen asleep at work or school - Not actually at work but at lunch in my car

used a fake id - Once and I was nervous the whole night

watched a sunset - Every God damn morning man, my kids suck!!

felt an earthquake - Thank God no!

touched a snake - Yes I used to have two

slept beneath the stars - Yes, in Brownies or Girl Scouts

been robbed

been misunderstood - Who hasn't?

petted a reindeer/goat - Yes to both

won a contest - I won a Pound Puppy back in the 80's and then a Halloween costume contest at work

run a red light/stop sign - Yes, my husband (friend at the time) asked me to come pick him up at this locale that I had never been to. I just wanted to get him and get home (it was like 2:00 am.) and I was rushing. Not knowing the area and rushing around I ran a stop sign and just missed hitting a car. I saw them in my rear view mirror, well their red break lights anyway. They sat for a long time probably getting over their shock or thanking the Lord.

been suspended from school

been in a car accident - Thankfully just two small little fender bender

eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night

had deja vu - All the time

danced in the moonlight - Yes, I do not care to elaborate

liked the way you looked at least at one point in time - Yes but not at the time, only when I look back at pictures. Hopefully in the future I'll like what I see now

witnessed a crime

been obsessed with post-it notes

squished barefoot through the mud

been lost - Yeah but there was this cute Dr. named Jack and this sexy bad boy named Sawyer..oh damn never mind!

been on the opposite side of the country

swam in the ocean

cried yourself to sleep

played cops and robbers

recently colored with crayons

sung karaoke - **cough** cough** ahhhh Yup good times! Me and my bud T used to start karaoke Friday after work because everyone else was too pussy to go up until they had a few..

paid for a meal with only coins

done something you told yourself you wouldn't

made prank phone calls

laughed until some kinda beverage came out of your nose

caught a snow flake on your tongue

written a letter to Santa Claus

been kissed under the mistletoe by your boy/girlfriend

blown bubbles

made a bonfire on the beach

laughed so hard you pee your pants - Laughed to almost pee'ing but not quite. Thank God for strong kegals.

cheated on a test

been kissed by someone you didn't like - too many times

gone skinny dipping in a pool

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Through a Child's Eyes

Through a Child's Eyes

A Mother's Day Special Poem

"When I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are going to take over my yard. My kids see flowers for Mom and blowing white fluff you can wish on. When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me, I see a smelly, dirty person who probably wants money and I look away. My kids see someone smiling at them and they smile back. When I hear music I love, I know I can't carry a tune and don't have much rhythm so I sit self-consciously and listen. My kids feel the beat and move to it. They sing out the words. If they don't know them, they make up their own. When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against it. I feel it messing up my hair and pulling me back when I walk. My kids close their eyes, spread their arms and fly with it, until they fall to the ground laughing. When I pray, I say thee and thou and grant me this, give me that. My kids say, "Hi God! Thanks for my toys and my friends. Please keep the bad dreams away tonight. Sorry, I don't want to go to Heaven yet. I would miss my Mommy and Daddy." When I see a mud puddle I step around it. I see muddy shoes and dirty carpets. My kids sit in it. They see dams to build, rivers to cross and worms to play with. I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn from? Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. I wish you BIG MUD PUDDLES and SUNNY YELLOW DANDELIONS."(author unknown)

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

5 Things

I just got my first tag from Mamalife. cool.

(1) I hate hot weather with a passion. I don't sweat so my body doesn't know how to cool off. I am basically just lobster red from not having a natural cool down system. I can be a Bitch with a capital "B" when I am hot
(2) I need people to like me and always feel inferior to everyone else
(3) When I was younger my grandpa molested me
(4) I could eat a pound of bacon if I let myself
(5) My mother died when I was young and I wish I knew more about her.

Sup with that????

Why is Ashlee Simpsons Papa checking out her perkies?

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I Spy

I got this idea from Friday Fiver

From your vantage point in front of the computer, you spy, with your little eye...

1. Something that is red: The Raisin Container

2. Something that is shiny: The deck is wet from the ton of rain we have had in the past few days

3: Something that is ugly: My belly as it sticks out too far from not eating right and having 2 babies in 2 years.

4. Something that is made of wood: Ahhhh my new dining room set from my buds Bekkah and Ohio.

5. Something that is sharp: The prongs of my engagement ring, it pokes my little one in the face all the time.

The Halloween Five

I found this at Friday Fiver

1. Have you made any Halloween plans? Nope..basically just going to take the kiddies around locally.

2. At what age should you stop trick-or-treating? I think I was 13. It was right after moving to Brooklyn from the sticks

3. What's your favorite kind of Halloween candy? I love Halloween candy, especially Reese PB Cups.

4. Are you more likely to trick someone else or be tricked yourself? Probably be tricked. I think I participated in some shaving cream stuff when I was 12 but felt so guilty about it that I never did it again.

5. Do you believe in ghosts? I am not sure if I believe in ghosts. I believe in the possibility of something, either a memory or energy but I am not sure if I believe in the white thing figure. If there are any ghosts reading this, please don't haunt me. I wouldn't be able to deal with it.

Monday, October 24, 2005

God Bless Rosa Parks

It was so sad to hear that Rosa Parks died tonight. Such a strong women whose defiant stance on a bus in 1955 sparked the civil rights movement. Her refusal to stand up because her feet hurt her and because she felt entitled to the same rights as the white people on the bus changed a nation.

"Are you going to stand up?" the bus driver asked.
"No," Parks answered.
"Well, by God, I'm going to have you arrested," the driver said.
"You may do that," Parks responded.

Imagine what we could do if we all had a little bit of Rosa's spirit in us.

God Bless!

Cute Things Kids Say

Tonight my girlfriend called me to check up on me after a particularly crazy kid day. I was ready to check out numerous times today. It was the worst day yet with my two kiddies. The 6 month old is always high maintenance and refuses to be put down and the 2 year old has a cold and since he is feeling miserable has decided that everyone else should be miserable too.

She told me that her 2 year old baby boy had come out of her closet wearing her high heels and exclaimed, "I'm the man!" Where the hell do they get this sh*t from???

Thanks for the support and the laugh T! You are a true friend.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Rainy Day and PJ's

Today was one of those know the kind, 4 hours of broken sleep due to the two kids in my bed. Husband sleeping on the couch his snoring pissed me off. Damn him, I am so jealous that he gets to sleep alone. King size bed, two little people under 2 1/2 and it feels like we are sleeping in a single. Nursed the girl about three times, pushed the boy off my back about 6 times = 2 Tylenol for the back pain suffered in the morning. Damn I wish everyone would just sleep in their own bed! I was ready to crawl into the crib just to be alone.

Upon waking I tried to change the boy child who made a "uhhhhhhhhgh" sound so I decided to just leave it alone and keep us all in PJ's. Overall not a bad day, in fact I even got myself a little nap. About 1/2 hour and the girl child was sleeping on my chest but at least my feet were up and my ass was down. One word Niiiicceee!!!

Friday, October 21, 2005

Night Out???!!!

So tonight was my fourth night out without kids in 6 months. Imagine! So what is a stay-at-home mom with no spending money to do on a night when Mr. Mom is watching the kiddies? Why head over to a At Home America party to check out all of the beautiful things she can't buy of course. They do have really beautiful things are very decent prices by the way. Christmas is in like 12 weeks or something people and I will take anything from those catalogs if you are buying.

So while there I had some crudites, little wienies, chips, and a glass of wine. Then threw some pastry down my throat accompanied by a steaming hot cup O Joe. Damn where did I leave that before I left? I hope I threw it out and didn't just leave it sitting there.

Got home, both kids sleeping one on the couch, one on the love seat. Husband is camped out on the Wiggle couch watching Sahara and I actually get to post a blog. Kids sleeping since I left, doesn't it just figure? Life is good.

At Home America Party Pic - Friends from Mom and Tot Group

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Speech My Ass!!!

As I sit here typing up the words my little man (29 month old son) says for his speech therapist I am wondering if this is not a total waste of time. She started working with him on Monday and will be here again tomorrow. This all started because some folks that I used to hang with told me that he needed to be evaluated (not in the nicest way) to see if he qualified for Child Services due to his lack of responding to THEM. Whatever! Initially I was pissed then I figured if the services were free I would have him evaluated and take it from there. He was evaluated and qualifies for Special Instruction and Speech. I personally think they have to have a certain amount of children enrolled in order to keep the program going since it is state funded but that's just me.

He says; cheese, mama, baby, car, ball, book, arm, eye, hi, bye, Elmo, Wiggles, meow, up, ok, move, come, see, cookie, apple, eat, sissy, purple Gween (green), Bwoo (blue), Yelwow (yellow), baf (bath), milk (ilk), remote (moe), yogurt (burp-burp), balloon (bwoon), pumpkin (pumpky), outside (owside) and orange (owange), he also says: I'm ok, come on, I want ____, Let's go, I went pee-pee, I'm going to Mama, and I went pfff. I don't know and I am not an expert but I don't think this is bad. They also want him to work with scissors and use a fork and spoon. I find a lot of things they say really annoying but I am willing to go along with it as long as he benefits and I see results. The speech therapist/and the Special Instructor are going to hate me because I challenge them often. Like the speech therapist wants me to call a banana a nana. J calls it a balalala. I have been calling it a banana for 2 years and feel that changing it to nana is counter productive and I can't even try to get myself to say nana because it is silly. If he was to call it nana on his own I would have no problem with that, but to teach him nana seems like a regression to me and confusing for him. How could I change the name of it after calling it a banana for 2 years. Give me a break! She also taught him to hit his chest and say "me" when he wants something. I have no problem with that but she wanted me to have him say "me eat" when he wants to eat., can't do it. What is his name Tarzan?! I told her that it was improper English (which I knew she knows) and I refuse to teach him incorrectly. It just makes more sense to do it right from the beginning. I guess time will tell.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Mr. Mom - You Go Boy!

Tonight I hit the supermarket with some cash, flyer and coupons. I made a killing, tons of food and saved $66.00. Niiicee!! I even got a little applause from the rest of the folks on line.

I get home and "the Teach" who was hanging with the kiddies tells me "shhhh" as he opens the door for me. Imagine this, this kids are asleep. It's only 8:00 p.m. and they are sleeping. Crazy.

He said, "call me the baby whisperer." Ok, so no one is in pj's and they are both crashed in the living room but hey, they are sleeping. I need to leave him with them more often. Maybe I will attend that chick party (boring, house party thingy) on Friday.

 The saddest part of it all; this is the first time my Handsome went to sleep in all of his 29 months when I wasn't around to get a kiss good-night. The girl will be up for a feeding any time now. I think I should make some tea, pop in a General Hospital/Oprah tape and enjoy the moment. Good job honey! Mwwahh.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

I went "Poofff"

So tonight the boy child, girl child and I are lying down while I tried unsuccessfully to "watch" Desperate Housewives (God, I love this show); when the boy child let's out a little "oh so cute because he is my baby" fart! He looks me right in the eye and says, " I went Poofff."

Come on, it doesn't get any damn cuter than that. The most ironic part is my son will be starting speech next week and I will have to happily relay this message to the therapist.

Personally, I think they should re-evaluate the boy. He has tons of words (I am counting any words that he attempts), for a two year old. He also says, "I want ___" and this morning he said, "I'm going to momma" when he left his Dad's side.. Now I can add, "I went Poofff to his sentence repertoire. My baby is a genius, the rest of the world just doesn't know it yet.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Shhhhh she's sleeping

This never happens..the girl is sleeping since 12:30. It is now 3:00 pm. Holy Crap! I have checked her breathing four times because well, because she never sleeps. Breasts are full of milk, need release but oh the peace and quiet!!!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

The Exorcism Didn't Take

Yesterday was my angel baby's Baptism. I was hoping for some big turning point, like this morning she would wake up and be cured. Nope, she is still a nails on chalkboard, hair pulling, bundle of banshee girl. She was cute in my Christening dress (looks good for a 39 year old dress) and her big round eyes, little rose bud mouth, dark hair and firmly curled fingers but man can this girl scream???!!! At the church you would think it was a full fledged exorcism the way she screamed and carried on. Looking around I noticed all of the sympathy glances from all of the other parents as they cradled their sleeping angels while my two competed for lead opera singer. Oh well, what can I say at least she looked adorable and was blessed by the church. The party was fun; kind of like a wedding where you don't really get to enjoy your food, don't spend enough talking to everyone, and the day flies by with a few problems but in the end lots of love where you wish you could do it again and really enjoy it this time.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

I'm dying, would you like some more tea?

So what do you say when a friend tells you over a cup of tea that they are dying?

Today while visiting a friend who I could visible tell has been having some health issues answered my how are you feeling question with "I am dying." This is something I knew could happen anytime for her because she had a liver transplant 10 years ago and has been sick ever since. She has a genetic problem with her liver and the meds that she has been taking for 10 years to accept the transplanted liver have basically been poisoning the liver due to the potency of them. She just found out on Thursday that she is being placed on the donor list again and is once again facing the knock of death at her door. It doesn't seem fair. She is a beautiful person who feels things so deeply, has such faith in life and God, is funny, sensitive, loving, kind, spiritual and full of life.

I asked her what this meant for her and what she wanted to do and she told me that she of course wants pray for a liver but knows that her chances are so slim. Also, she has a bit of guilt about being on the list again because she feels that she was already given the chance to live 10 years and doesn't think it is right that she could possibly receive another one when there may be someone still waiting for their first. Like I said she is loving and kind.

Because she was being so blunt and upfront it made it easier to talk to her. We talked while sitting on her deck, drinking tea, looking into each others eyes while she held my daughter. We spoke about her possible demise and the sun shined over our heads, the birds sang and the kids on the block played. In the last 6 years that I know her, whenever I am in her presence I always feel like I am talking to someone deeply connected with something bigger, than us. Something I can't explain.

We talked about her setting up a camera to record herself talking to the people she loves, to the people that she may leave behind. I offered my services. I would love to take her to the Botanical Gardens and take tons of beautiful pictures of her before she starts her stronger meds. I am going to mention it next week. I hope she has the energy.

As we hugged good-bye for the day (I had to get home to change my daughter's diaper), I told her how beautiful she is, how strong and how is everything that God intended for her to be. As I walked to my house a door away, I allowed myself to cry for a moment thinking about how things are so unfair sometimes. Then I kissed my daughter's head, went home, woke my son up and headed outdoors to enjoy the cool autumn air knowing that eventually we all die and I want to create loving memories for my babies.

Check Donor on your driver's license - DONATE

Saturday, September 10, 2005

9-11 Remembrance

I cannot believe that tomorrow will be the 4th anniversary of 9-11. The horror of that day will never leave me. I can still remember images and words that were spoken that day as if it was yesterday. I see it all including myself as if it is a movie playing in my head.

I got into work early as usual and as I was sitting at my desk, co-worker Gregg was hanging up the phone, he said aloud to no one in particular, "Jenita just called and says something has hit the World Trade Center." I pulled up one of the local news links on my computer and was watching the footage of what was happening. The North Tower had a huge black cloud of smoke spilling from it, my boss came up behind me to talk about work and I told her what I was looking at. As we watched in horror more people were starting to arrive and before I knew it there were about 8 people standing behind me watching my computer. As we were watching and discussing we the South Tower was hit. I remember turning to my boss and we exchanged a wide eyed gaze. It was quickly obvious that this was not an accident which is something we had been thinking after the first plane hit. The office chatter was feverish and panicked.

I remember listening to a radio with a group of co-workers when we heard that the Pentagon was struck. I happened to look around the room I was standing in and noticed the fear and look of helplessness on various faces. There were some people hugging, some crying quietly, some trying to reach family members on the phone, some sitting on the floor holding their heads and trying to comprehend what was happening.

I called my husband to find out where he was and he told me that he was heading to his parents. He also said, "this is Osama." I had no idea what he was talking about and was just glad to hear that he was safe. I was with Bernadette and her son AJ when the South Tower fell. We were huddled together at her work station. Her arms around her son, mine around her and her son's around both of us. She kept saying, "oh my God, all those people." We cried together as AJ asked each of us if we were ok. I will never forget Bernadette or AJ. We clung to each other when our world was changing. The world we knew was no longer. Fear and panic was clutching my heart and I just wanted to be home with Joe and safe.

I was asked to sit at the switchboard for a moment as the higher ups tried to figure out what to do about the situation. My boss walked by as I was drying my tears. She asked me if I knew anyone in the towers. I told her "lots, and lots of strangers." She said, "oh my God you are right." We hugged.

Our President called a meeting telling us that we were closing our doors so that everyone could go home to be with their families. She said that if anyone felt they were unable to get home safely to tell someone and arrangements would be made.

My buddy Bek, offered to follow me home. I told her that she would be going out of her way but she said she wanted to make sure I got home safe. I will never forget her kindness and unselfish gesture. At a time when I felt that the world as I knew it was falling apart and would never be the same what I did notice that day was that there are people in this life that you can truly count on. People really do care about people. We get caught up in our own lives sometimes but in times of need and when it really matters we can turn to our fellow man.

I am still disturbed, angry, and sad when I watch a 9-11 documentary on television or when I read an article, see a picture or even think about that day. I thank God that I did not personally know someone who perished that day. The amount of grief I have for strangers on that day is hard enough. September 11th will for me, always be a day that America was attacked but it will also be a day that I saw true patriotism as Americans come together as a nation under God or whomever you wish to pray to that is up to you.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Me, My laptop and a slushy

So there I was sitting alone, posting on a friends blog when I decided it was time for a little "me"
drink. Both kids sleeping, the husband outside doing the lawn, what's a women to do? I climbed into a cabinet to reach the ice cream maker which in 8 years of marriage has been used 2 times. I put a glass of cranberry cherry juice, some water and a little drizzle of Absolute. I turned the ice cream maker on and watched as it churned my concoction into the most incredible slush this side of the lake. Ahhh...I can see it now, Malibu Bay Breeze slush, melon ball slush, screwdriver slush, Jack and coke slush, and the drinks just keep on coming!

It truly is the little things

Today was a great day. Why? Well it really is something so small it almost seems silly to make such a big deal about it but to me it really is special. Today, my husband, soul-mate, dude, man, baby daddy, friend, and occasional thorn in my side took us to the park. I have been asking for this for the past year and a half. I took Handsome there every day last year. I would mention to Teach what a great time Handsome would have in the hopes that he would be unable to NOT join us the next time. He never would.

There were quite a few fights about this and he would say that there would be plenty of time for the park but it just never seemed like he was making any. This morning I mentioned a convo that I had yesterday with two girlfriends. They were talking about men and how most don't want to do things with their families. I said that not all men were like that and that I believed that when my kids were a little older Teach would have a lot more interest in doing things with them. His selective hearing button must have not been working because he said "maybe we will go to the park this afternoon". I forced myself to not jump out of my seat with a joyous "yippy" and simply said, "Handsome would love that." He headed outside saying he had some things to do and the kids and I headed to the deck. He started building a new bridge for out creek and I played with the kids until Handsome wanted to go inside. While heading in, Teach said "call me at 2:00 and we will leave for the park."

When we finally got to the park, I found some shade and watched my two boys running, swinging, sliding, and climbing. All the things that Handsome NEEDS to do, and NEEDS to spend some time with Daddy. Handsome had an awesome time and Goddess and I made a friend. Another mom with a 4 1/2 month old was there and we exchanged numbers to get together next week. It is the weirdest thing; I have given my number to complete strangers just because we have kids the same age. This is the only time you can have a five minute conversation with a stranger and hand over your number without wanting a free meal or a roll in the hay. It really is strange.

As we left the park with the baby girl screaming in the back and my son drinking water in his car seat, I looked over at my husband and thought that he was the hottest person alive. Like I said, it truly is the little things.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

No time to blog

I have had no time to blog for myself because I have
been so busy trying to create one for my 19 week old baby.
Here it is!

Oh and here is my son's

A True Friend

A true friend is someone who calls from their mini vacation because I had to talk even through I said, call when you get home. Thanks Bek!!!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Banshee Girl

Thank God she is adorable! She drives me crazy. The screams go through my head and I still hear them even when she is sleeping. Someone, a neighbor, ok a man next door recommened that I put some red wine in a bottle with some water, he said this would help her. I could never justify giving my baby alcohol. Some friends have joked about giving her Benedryl because she doesn't give me a break. With all the craziness, I am absolutely in love with her and know that I will eventually get throught this. Thankfully her Dad is rocking her so that I can have a moment to myself. Ahh...small things, that's what life is all about.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

It's all about me!

I found this on "Comments from the Peanut Gallery" It was different than most of the others I have received so I thought it would be fun to answer.

1. Nervous habits? Shaking my leg and cracking my knuckles
2. Are you double jointed? No
3. Can you roll your tongue? No
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? Yes
5. Can you blow spit bubbles? No, and why the hell would I want to?
6. Can you cross your eyes? Yes but my eyes are screwed up enough so I tend to not do this.
7. Tattoos? Not yet.
8. Piercings? 2 holes in each ear
9. Do you make your bed daily? The beds MUST be made. I have been like that since I was a child. If the bed is made I can concentrate, go figure!

10. Which shoe goes on first? Right one
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? No
12. On the average, how much money do you carry? None
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? Wedding and engagement ring, mom's sweet sixteen ring, cross around my neck and anklet
14. Favorite piece of clothing? Anything that fits right

15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl with a fork and spoon
16. Have you ever eaten Spam? Never
17. Do you use extra salt on your food? Sometimes, ok most of the time
18. How many cereals in your cabinet? None in the cabinet but 5 boxes above the fridge. A sore subject in this house. My husband thinks there are too many
19. What's your favorite beverage? Water, Coffee, Tea and Milk
20. What's your favorite fast food restaurant? Subway
21. Do you cook? Yes

22. How often do you brush your teeth? Two - three times a day
23. Hair drying method? air-dry these days
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? Yes, no virgin hair here

25. Do you swear? Way too friggin much. I have gotten better since having children
26. Do you ever spit? Yes, I have a chronic post nasal drip

27. Animal? Horse
28. Food? Steak
29. Month? October
30. Day of the week? Every
31. Cartoon? Sponge Bob
32. Shoe brand? Never thought about it and don't really care
33. Subject in school? English and biology
34. Color? Blue
35. Sport? Hockey
36. TV shows? Tons of guilty pleasures. I love reality TV. Big Brother, Survivor, American Idol, Surreal Life, The Real World, General Hospital, and Oprah
37. Thing to do in the spring? Enjoy the weather
38. Thing to do in the summer? Stay cool
39. Thing to do in the autumn? Enjoy the weather and the colors
40. Thing to do in the winter? Stay indoors wishing I could go outside

41. In the CD player? Melissa Etheridge
42. Person you talk most on the phone with? Teresa
43. Reading? What to expect the first year, what to expect the toddler years, Going from 1 to 2.
44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows/mirrors? No God never! Those mirrors are not kind.
45. What color is your bedroom? My bedroom is a sad state of affairs. The walls are white the rest of the colors are a melting pot of whatever.
46. Do you use an alarm clock? No I have kids! Don't need one, they wake me way before any clock would dare
47. Window seat or aisle? Aisle I guess

48. What's your sleeping position? Back or side (either)
49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket? Yes, my ears need to be covered, childhood fear
50. Do you snore? So my husband says but I don't know how he could possibly hear me over his own.
51. Do you sleepwalk? N
52. Do you talk in your sleep? I don't believe so. I sleep so little these days I wouldnt have time to have a conversation.
53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? If you consider the husband and the 4 month old.
54. How about with the light on? Yes, only because of how often the kids force me to move about at night
55. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on? Nothing on usually but I can sleep on a picket fence these days
56. Last interesting person you met? Grandma Janey, Wednesday mommy group

Back in the Day

What happened to me? When did I become the person I see looking back in the mirror above the small round sink in the bathroom. Splotchy skin, dark circles under my eyes, a few more grays and a few more wrinkles, wider hips, stomach pouch from 2 cesareans in a little over 2 years, smaller breasts, dry lifeless hair and red eyes?

I remember a time when I felt OK about myself, not great but confident in my skin. I remember a time when I could pretty much point to someone and say I wanted him to ask me out and it would happen. I remember a comment I received (and it will stay with me for the rest of my life) when I confidently walked through the office of one of my many jobs. It was an older women, well older at the time, she was only about 10 years older than I am now maybe about 49. I was just walking minding my own business when she called me over. I remember I was wearing a very vibrant (I was confident)pink and orange suit, I used to call it my sherbert suit. She motioned for me to walk over. She was getting her hair styled at the beauty school that I worked at and she said, "If I had a body like yours, my husband would never leave the house." Yes, it is true to anyone I know personally who reads this. That is her exact quote, I may even ask that it be put on my tombstone/headmarker when I die.

I remember a time when I felt secure in wearing stretch pants, with high heels and a bra top to tend bar (Shut up, it was the 80's and I lived in Jersey). Now I wear comfy pants and a long butt hider type shirt. My hair which has been long my whole life was always styled, I would get tons of compliments on my hair. So long, so healthy, so thick, blah, blah blah. Now it is usually in a ponytail so that my 4 month old doesn't get a face full of dry, straw type hair in the face. How does it happen? How did I just let myself get here? I think I am in need of a much needed physical, spiritual and mental make-over. It is time to think about me. I think I forgot to put myself on the to do list. That is going to change starting now. Stay tuned.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Love being a Mommy

Lately I have been thinking how sad it is that I will never again be pregnant. I decided that I would not be pregnant in my 40s so I am in fact done. As I hold my 4 month old and look into her big grey eyes I think about how she will be the last one and how I have to embrace each and every moment as crazy as it is. Her colic and reflux leave me feeling exhausted most of the time. She screams like a banshee about 8 hours of the day, I spend 10 hours holding her which seems to be the only thing that makes her somewhat happy. Then there is the toddler who cracks me up on a daily basis. I love his sense of humor, his energy, his early language skills, his dances, his singing and even his tantrums. I am enjoying every moment with each one of them knowing how fast life goes by. I drop everything to pay attention to either one of them when they need it because I know there will be a time when they won't need me as much as they do now. That knowledge is something that gets me through even my worse days.

As I check on my sleeping toddler, my heart swells with the love I feel for him. His face is at total peace, his little arm over his head, the other lying across his chest holding his favorite blue blanky. My daughter lies across my lap leaning against my laptop, I stoke her little cheek and she smiles in her sleep. Her little mohawk and rose bud lips make me smile. Her peaceful breathing is in sync with mine. As I look into her beautiful little face all I can think about is how utterly lucky I am to have experienced every little moment I have with my babies. I am lucky to be their mommy and you know what? They are lucky to have me too!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Ahh..peace and quiet

Sitting here, eating lunch, watching pre-recorded Oprah and reading my email and a friends blog. I mention the sitting part because the last time I actually sat to eat was about four weeks ago. I am usually standing, hunched over the counter next to the sink, shoveling food down my gullet as fast as I can chew and swallow while my son stands at the baby gate and calls me (AMA) and my daughter howls in the background. Oprah is a repeat that I have seen more than once but I don't want to get up and look for the remote to forward because that would take time away from my actually sitting and having time to myself. Damn, I think I hear one of them moving around. Oh well at least I got 35 minutes alone. I should be happy for the small stuff. Got to run.

Monday, August 01, 2005

No Time for Myself and Banshee Baby

I started this blog in order to have a place to write about my day as a form of therapy. Unfortunately, I have had no time to myself in so long. Two days ago I headed to CVS (after spending an hour and 8 minutes in a car listening to my daughter scream like I was dipping her wee little fingers in acid one at a time) minus my babies. As I was driving I realized that this was going to be the first time since my daughter was born 3.2 months ago (15 weeks ago) that I was alone.

The trip from door to door was only 31 minutes but it was the most peaceful 31 minutes a person could ask for.

I felt rejuvenate until I walked in the door and my husband was heating up some bagged/frozen breast milk in a bottle warmer, the baby was crying and my son was writing on the table with crayon. Teach crammed a bottle of milk into her mouth saying, "I know baby, you are hungry." I had just fed her before I left so I knew there was no way she was hungry. He kept shoving the bottle in her mouth as she cried and tried to get away from it.

I took her from him because I couldn't watch anymore even though part of me said let him figure it out. I knew she was tired and as soon as I took her she calmed down and went to sleep. Why did I bother going?

MEN, they just think they know it all. Whenever Teach  is holding the baby and she starts crying he tells me that she is hungry regardless of the fact that she was just attached to my boob 10 seconds before.

She is a trying baby. I have never heard anything like it. This girl screams like she is being tortured. She doesn't let me put her down for 2 seconds before she is screaming like a banshee. All I can say is I am thankful I am not an alcoholic because I would have cirrhosis of the liver by now. God made her cute so I don't kill her.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

One Carmel Apple Martini plus a Glass of White Wine

I'm not usually someone who drinks but today when Bekkah come over with the makings of a much discussed Carmel Apple Martini I was ready to drink and drink some more.

Bekkah, created the mouth friendly masterpiece complete with crushed graham cracker rim and fancy martini glasses that she had to bring from home because I lack the necessary drinkage vessel. I worked on lunch (salad and grilled chicken). Dessert was home made blueberry, oatmeal coffee cake and green tea ice cream. Yum!

After Bekkah left I decided to continue celebrating her birthday early by having a glass of wine with some strawberries and then an Amstel Light. All of this alcohol and lightheadedness means I have to pump and dump.

I am nursing my baby girl and obviously wouldn't fill her bottle with this liqueur so why nurse her after consuming more alcohol than I usually do in 6 months? Anyone who has ever nursed knows how hard it is to pump and dump. I am not sure why but even throwing out uneaten breast milk is enough to piss me off for about 5 minutes. I know I am not alone because I have discussed this with other nursing women and I can't figure it out. My body will create more milk. It's not like I purchased it and now I am wasting it. Why the hell are we so upset about throwing out our breast milk? Oh well, I guess I should get started.

Time to hook myself up to the pump get 6 ounces and pour it down the sink. Shed a tear, kick the door and vow to not drink again until tomorrow when I get I mean HAVE to finish the remainder of the drink that my dear friend Bekkah left for in the fridge. Moo!

Monday, July 11, 2005

Can't Get Moving

As I sit here drinking another cup of cold coffee with yet another Wiggle tape playing in the background and my son's clapping I am reminded of a time when I had actually had something to do. Yes I know that what I do right now is substantial! I am creating two hopefully well rounded, respectful, smart, secure individuals who will hopeful change my Depends in the hopefully far away future but I sometimes miss actually getting dressed for a day of earning an actual paycheck for the hard work I do. Getting dressed beyond my stretch pants and t-shirts, pony tail and glasses is a rare occurrence and would require me actually going into public. Ahh the days when I put contacts in, put some mousse in my hair, used a comb and a blow dryer, put on a skirt, shirt and shoes, a little eye liner and lip gloss. Man I miss looking like a women and not a lactating mom! I think it is time to make some time for me again even if the only people who will cross my path are my 2 year old and my 12 week old. I am sure they will appreciate a mom who doesn't look like Willie Nelson on a good day.


Saturday, July 02, 2005

Mommy Guilt

I spent all of last night with an intense case of Mommy guilt. Yesterday I went to a friend's house for lunch. The kids had a good time playing and my son was in his glory with new toys to play with and new people to watch. At 2:00 pm I decided to hit the road for my long ride with my colicky daughter and because my son was in need of a nap which usually happens at 11:30 a.m. When I chased him down to put his sneakers on he threw a fit like I had never seen. I had to wrestle him to get him ready to go and have the rubber burns on my forearms from his sneakers kicking at me to prove it. Feeling as though he was overtired even though I had never seen this reaction before; I stood up triumphantly knowing I had won the battle leaving him screaming and crying on the carpet and YES his sneakers were on. I remember thinking that everyone must think he is always so out of control so I said something to the effect of "wow he must really be overtired and doesn't want to leave". He yelled and kicked as I carried him down the stairs to the car. I seat belted him into his car seat and thought how crazy he was acting. I had never witnessed anything like this. Although he usually protests he usually gives up when he realizes that it is a losing battle. As I stepped into the drivers seat I glanced into my mirror and watched in wonder as my son threw himself around while strapped into the seat. All I saw was arms and legs thrashing around along with his screaming, horse voice. I remember rolling down my window saying goodbye and telling JP he was losing his voice from screaming. He carried on for about 10 minutes before drifting off.

When I got home and opened my daughter's door to carry her into the house, my son woke and started crying. I told him I would be right back. He never cries because he knows that I carry her first and then I go get him. I was surprised but figured it had something to do with him being tired. I went out to get him and my daughter started screaming (of course), as I walked him inside, I lied him down to change his diaper. I pulled down his shorts and noticed huge, ugly, red welts up and down his thighs. They were raised almost 1/2 inch. I put Cortisone on his legs and gave him a dose of Benedryl. All the while my daughter's screams have escalated to the unnerving sounds of cats being slaughtered.

Later I called my friend's house to see if her cleaning lady (who had just been there that morning) used carpet powder because while I don't know if my son is allergic, what causes his ezcema is still mostly a mystery to us. She said no because her daughter also has allergies so her cleaning lady doesn't use powder. Then she asked if my son had eaten any cookies. I told her yes that he had three bites. She said, "They were peanut butter!" OMG his allergist had told us that he had a slight allergy to peanuts but that I didn't have to worry about checking every label. She said if peanuts weren't one of the first three ingrediants all would be ok. I think she is wrong. I think his allergy is worse then she thought. Three little bites of a cookie!? Now I know that his thrashing, kicking, screaming, crying and horse voice were not part of a typical toddler tandrum but an allergic reaction to peanuts. He was uncomfortable, scared and probably itchy all over including his throat which is probably why he sounded so funny. For all I know his throat was closing up and making it hard for him to breath. I was so busy being annoyed by what I thought was a crazy tandrum that I didn't even think he could be uncomfortable.

As moms, we know our kids better than anyone. I had never seen this reaction because we had to leave or being tired yet I chaulked it up to that. The whole time I kept thinking, this is not normal for him. So why did I not think further than a tantrum. Thank God nothing happened to him! I would have taken that guilt to my grave.

What I learned; never give him nuts and always trust my instincts. I knew this was not normal behavior for him so I should have investigated his actions further.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

My Angel's Of Mercy

Yesterday I headed out minus the toddler to a friend's house. I handed my daughter off to the Angels of Mercy as soon as I walked in the door and spent the next 1 1/2 hours watching them hold her, and coo over her. I sat and watched from afar. It was a wonderful gift to have others taking care of her for me even if I was in the same room. I had a cup of tea, a glass of water, some tomato, basil and cheese, and chowed down on some fennel seeds (a recommendation from a mom, a retired nurse who insisted that it would help my daughter's colic), which were totally gross after the initial pinch I tossed in my mouth and crunched until they were a fine, woodsy, licorice tasting mess in my mouth and then swallowed them with my difficulty but hey who am I to argue. If it worked I would eat with a smile on my face the crud that gathers in the drain of my kitchen sink by days end.

I had told my husband I would leave at 3:30 pm; so while watching the hands of the long arm of the clock moving defiantly towards the number 6 I started to get anxious. I had to literally tear myself away to go home to the husband and toddler who was still napping at 4:15 pm. This tells me that my husband had his own vacation yesterday. I guess all in all everyone benefited except for the toddler who missed out on playing with the 5 kids who were at my friend's house. Oh well, next Wednesday. The ladies get together every Wednesday and we have been kindly added. Thank God!

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Rainy Day Blues + 1 Toddler and 1 Newborn

I am so friggin tired today. We lost power last night so I was not able to get to sleep as early as I had hoped (9:00 pm). Some stupid drunk must have hit a pole (again) because the power went off and on very rapidly about 20 times before my husband ran up from the garage shouting for me to shut everything off. He feared the burning out of our major stress relievers; you know the television, computers, phones, VCR's, DVD players, central air, etc. Never mind that I have 2 months of pumped breast milk in the freezer; but did we worry about shutting that off? So we ran around shutting things, pulling plugs, and flipping the switch on power strips. After putting glow sticks in most of the rooms I headed off to bed (it was now 10:30 pm.) My daughter woke me to eat at 2:00 am we went back to bed at 3:00 am and then she woke me about 4:40 and we never went back to sleep. My son woke at 5:45 am and my daughter went to sleep at 6:30 am. She was up just long enough to make sure there was no chance of me getting any more sleep. Here it is 9:15 am and she is still sleeping. God makes them cute so you don't kill them!

My son is watching his second Wiggle tape and I am trying to put my second cup of coffee down my gullet. Here I sit bleary eyed looking at the computer screen, feeling like I have the flu because my body is so tired it hurts. Why did I wait until I was in my late 30's to have kids? I could sleep for three days straight right now but would settle for 4 consecutive hours of rest.

I am hoping to get the little man down for a nap in 2 hours at which time of course my daughter will wake up to eat and then decide to be awake just long enough for the little man to wake up until bed time. Ahhh don't be jealous, it can happen for you too. Just pump out 2-3 kids and see for yourself. Come on join me there's nothing like it.

After all is said and done all it takes is for my son to come over for an unsolicited hug or my daughter to shine upon me her big, toothless, gummy grin and I am in Mommy Heaven! 

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Tom Cruise - Lobotomy or love?

I have been reading so much about Tom Cruise that I figured I would chime in. What is up with Tom? Is he so madly, deeply, completely, you had me at hello in love that he has lost his ever loving mind? I always thought he was a little odd but oh lordy he is one moment away from drooling in the corner. It really is unfair because I; like everyone else who has been tearing him apart do not know this man but I do know that he perhaps has had one too many trips to the Scientology Lab. What are they doing at these Scientology Centers, shock therapy and lobotomies? If Tom and Katie are truly in love then I wish them all the luck in the world but if true love makes me that crazy I'll settle for true like.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Where the hell is that light at the end of the tunnel everyone talks about????

Oh my God! What a day! I spent the day dealing with my colicky daughter's screams. I actually thought I would lose it. I felt like taking my daughters legs and slamming her as hard as I could against the wall. When I said this to the doctor and laughed he laughed then got serious saying "You don't really feel like that do you?"  I told him NO I have to joke about it. She cries 18 hours a day.

Don't misunderstand me. I love her from the core of my being, but listening to her scream for about 7 hours today was more than I could handle. I called friends and family trying to find someone who could talk me down before finally calling the person I should call in the first place; my husband. As most 0of you know husbands are sometimes good for nothing. Hence the need for really good friends!

I started the conversation by telling him to say something smart! I cried and told him that I hated her and that I wanted to slam her against the wall. He said, "Now you're talking". Agghhh! Why did I bother calling?!

I told him not to encourage me and that it wasn't funny. I know that he was trying to be funny but I already had enough guilt from feeling the way I did about her. I love her and didn't want to make jokes about hurting her. His suggestion is always put her in a room and close the door. She is only going on 10 weeks old so that is so not an option. I have tried it and the longer she is allowed to cry the harder it is for her to calm down.

It is by the grace of God that I have enough sense to know when to step away from her and that what I am feeling is totally normal. I am not going to beat myself up for the feelings I had today. We are not responsible for our thoughts, but we are responsible for our actions. My daughter's colic will end and peace will settle on the household once more. Hopefully we all get there in one piece. Agghhh!!!!!!!!!


Update 2/24/18 - I am waiting for this now 12 year old baby to get out of an art class and have an hour so I started reading old posts. This girl was a difficult baby. She cried A LOT and I had a toddler who threw terrible tantrums. I was alone all the time and it was hard. 

If I could talk to my 13 year ago self I would tell her that she needs to get out alone. That she needs to go off when her husband gets home and not feel guilty. That she is entitled to have some time to herself to unwind and decompress even if that meant leaving the house when he got home and having them all figure it out together. She felt guilty that he wouldn't spend enough time with them. That they would cry the whole time she was gone and that they would feel alone. Now, I know that they would have figured it out. That my husband would have had to stand up and do it. That the kids would have been okay even if that meant they cried the whole time. 

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Do You Hear Me Sista?!

I can't remember being this bone tired ever in my life even when I was working 9-5 and working a second job from 6:30-2:30 a.m.

Today my daughter cried for about 5 hours and my son cried for about 2 hours. My husband comes in and I start to explain that I was exhausted and that the kids both were making me crazy. He said, "Oh you can handle it." Is he crazy? I really can't handle it. No one in their right mind would be able to handle it. He could never do what I do even for a day.

He started telling me to go to work and he would stay with the kids. Right! Sure! I tried to get him to hold my daughter (she is 10 weeks old) for 5 minutes the other night so that I could eat but he told her to be quiet within the first minute and a half. So I strapped on the Baby Bjorn and tried to shove my sandwich down my throat without getting crumbs in the baby's hair.

Lately I feel like I do not have even a second for myself. I am on Mommy duty from the moment I get up until the moment my weary head hits the pillow for the 3 hours of broken sleep I am going to get for the night.

What I hate more than anything these days is the utter lack of respect my husband shows me these days. I have tiny pearls of quiet in between the moments my colicky baby lets me put her down and my son is not clinging to my legs, I do not want to waste those precious moments picking up my husband's dirty socks, washing his dirty dishes, throwing out is junk mail that ends up piled on the dining room table or cleaning up the stove and counter after he makes himself lunch or dinner. God dammit man I demand respect and if you are not going to clean up after yourself, at least acknowledge that what I do requires work; besides patience, love, energy, sensitivity, humor, dedication and unselfishness. He makes me feel like he thinks I am on vacation.  

Validate me MAN!

UPDATE: 2/24/18 - Rereading this 13 years after the fact I would handle this differently. I was so afraid to say anything at the time. I didn't want to ruffle feathers and mostly I felt guilty that I was home and he was working and the only one making money. I took a back seat to everything.

My husband needed me to stand up and say "we decided together that I would stay home and I need you to help me when you get back from work. I need a break."

I had a tremendous feeling of guilt in the fact that he had to go out of the house, deal with driving, people, work and then come home to babies. I made a conscious effort to always have the house clean when he got home. Always had the toys cleaned up, the babies washed and relaxed because a felt this should be his safe, homey place from the big bad world. 

Maybe if I had demanded more he would have given more. I didn't want to make demands and expected him to just know to do things differently. People treat you the way you allow them to. 

I didn't have any family or friends around. He was all I had. I needed more and he didn't know to give it. 

If you take anything from this young moms, never expect your husband or boyfriend to just know what you need. They need you to tell them. They may not be able to give you what you need and that is a whole other situation but if you don't ask you won't know.