Thursday, September 28, 2006

Banshee Girl Update - I love and adore you baby girl

Way back in the day I wrote about Banshee Girl here and here and her spirit. Ok, truthfully it was her attitude that I wrote about. She is and I imagine will always be a screamer. I don't mean a little tiny baby girl scream. I am talking about the kind that makes me want to hang like a cat from the ceiling by my finger and toe nails. I have thought about hiring her out if there is a horror movie in need of a scream. She reaches Mariah Carey notes. I sometimes do refer to her as Mariah. "Be quiet Mariah" "Stop it now Mariah" probably one of the reasons she doesn't seem to know her name.

These days she is adorable, loving, sweet and funny but still a friggin, God damn, nail on chalk board, torn in my eye screamer.

She sings, "Blue's Clues," "Happy Birthday," "Dorothy the Dinosaur" (Wiggle song for your novices), and tries to sing her alphabet but only knows the melody. She does know that there is an A, E, H and S but has no idea what they look like. I love when she tries to sing the itsy, bitsy spider. She does the finger thing and just says, "eeeeiiiiitttt, out! Too cute man! My husband likes when she says, "yeahheeyyy" after you sing something to her. My other favorite thing that she does is call her brother, "Jesse, Jesse." There is nothing like hearing your second offspring calling for your first. Who knew that I would have two!??

I love that she says, hi and bye to total strangers like she is the mayor. I love that she gives big loud, kisses on the mouth. I love that she holds her cat or doll and says, "ahhhhhhh baby!" I love that every drink or edible is just called "More" and if she wants up or down she says, "I want out." I love when someone sneezes she says "Bless you" and will stop nursing to say it to me. Cuuutee!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Just some pics

My sweet babies. I wish I could have captured the sound that went with this picture. It was a great big Mwaahhh.

They are so cute...that I can't even stand it.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Money, money, money

Today I reached my limit.
My life have been so stressful over the last 18 months. I have done really well about not letting myself get sick over how very scary things have become. Once upon a time...I was the girl who worried, stressed, puked, lost sleep, and cried over every fit and fart that rippled through my life. After having kids I decided that I would be more like my husband...if you have no control over something don't waste time stressing about it. So...when he left his job after our daughter was born to start his own business I thrust my arm in the air and yelled "yes, do it."

Obviously starting a business is stressful and takes time. Being the supportive, in-love, dutiful wifey that I am, I stood behind my man and sang his praises whenever a family member or girlfriend rallied that the timing was poor. When would the timing be right I asked them? Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and I totally stand behind him. I would hear, "he's lucky he is not married to me" or "I would be telling him to get his ass a job." I thought whatever...thankfully he is not married to you, he is married to me!

I still feel that way 18 months later...I hope and pray that everything will come together soon because I don't know how we will live otherwise.

Today, I was told that we would no longer be carried under our State Aid Health Insurance because we have $3,000 in savings more than allowed. I called them to ask for a informal conference to have them re-evaluate our paperwork. I told them that we have a house, an equity loan, car payments, winter coming so there will be oil payments, and that the $3,000 will be exhausted before they can finish our paperwork. I was told that the denial would stand until we show that we have spent the $3,000 and on what..then we could start our paperwork over again. Friggin government! The women was sympathetic but her hands are tied.

We are eligible for Wic but I refuse to take the kids to have blood drawn so that we can get food! My daughter would be fine but my son would have to be held down and that is just too traumatic for him and for me.

My husband is doing the best he can and I trust that he will take care of me and the kids. He told me today that everything will be ok and not to worry, but that is his job as a husband. I remain optimistic that everything will eventually work out but I am so scared sometimes.

Ok...deep breath..I just had to write it down so I could put it away for the night!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Catch up....

Basically life has gotten busy. I am not sure what is so different from a few weeks ago but days are speeding by. Monday is a play date, Tuesday pre-school and library and speech for my son, Wednesday special instruction, Mom and Tot group and speech for my son, Thursday pre-school and speech for my son and Friday special instruction for my son. Busy, busy...

Today I brought the precocious toddler to pre-school and (damn I need to change his name/blog; he is no longer a toddler). I pulled up and brought him to his teacher who was waiting outside. I asked if she wanted me to bring him to class and she said she would take him. I got in the car and started pulling away. I glanced in the rear view mirror and saw him looking at me. I realized that he had never seen me drive away because I usually bring him inside. I stopped the car and waited. Would he cry, run towards the car, throw himself on the ground? The teacher waited for another kid to get out of the car, took my son's hand and walked toward the school. I watched him watch me the whole time. His little face in my mirror, wondering where his mommy was going without him. After he went inside I stopped the car and ran to the window of his class room. Was he being consoled? Was he standing by the door crying? I tried 3 windows and couldn't find him. My heart raced. He was in the corner playing with another little boy perfectly fine. The teacher noticed me and pointed to him. She gave me the thumbs up and I shot her a big thumbs up back and headed to the car.

He totally doesn't need me. My big boy is getting so big. Scary.

Monday, September 11, 2006

September 11, 2001

September 11, 2001

A day I will never forget and everyone I know will never forget. As we approach the 5th Anniversary, I am consumed with watching all the television specials documenting the events of this devastating day. I remember where I was, who I was with and everything said that day. I remember crying and being asked did I know anyone working in the towers and answering, "thousands of strangers." I remember who I held onto as news of the towers falling were broadcast over the radio in my office. I will never forget being afraid like I was that day. I will always remember how we, all of us came together.

In honor of the American's and Non-American's who perished, D.C. Roe sent out a request. He asked that bloggers unite to write a tribute for each and every victim killed when two planes attacked the World Trade Center.

I was the 178th person to sign up and was assigned:

Joseph Anthony Eacobacci
I did not know Joey but through my research I have learned that he is someone that all of us would have loved to have in our lives.

Joseph's worked for Canter Fitzgerald on the 105th floor of Tower 1. He was 26 years old and engaged to Denise who he was with for 4 years.
In High School, he attended Holy Cross School from 88-90. He was one of the "cool" kids according to classmates. He always had a kind word for everyone.
He was a captain on the Georgetown Football team. A natural leader and an outstanding athlete.

Joey was according to friends and family; kind, smart, loving, caring, good looking, funny, loyal, warm, thoughtful, and a parent's dream. He was always smiling and full of energy.
He sounds like someone who had a lot of love and was the kind of person you wanted in your corner.
I have read whatever tribute I could find on Joey and most talked about his loyalty to his family, friends and fiancé. He loved unconditionally and without bounds.
Someone wrote Family, Friends, Football and Food. It is obvious that Joey was down to earth, kind hearted and funny.
It is ridiculous to think that his only crime was actually going to work that day along with the thousands who perished.

I, for one hope that we never forget that beautiful September morning when everything turned red, black and grey.
In honor of Joseph Anthony Eacobacci I vow to remember his name, and the day.
Along with the millions who mourn this day I pray for the souls of our brothers and sisters who had to give their lives so that we could become a stronger nation.

To Joey's family and friends, my heart aches for all of you to have lost such a beautiful soul. He was everything God had intended him to be. May God Bless you and everyone who hurts due to this hateful attack.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Damn Kid!!!

So Thursday was the Precocious Toddler's first day of preschool. I exhibited the basic maternal symptoms of nausea, a stress headache and the proverbial broken heart that my baby boy was so grown. My little guy was beginning a long, long road in his life and this meant something to me. I took the casual picture with his dad who would not be able to go to school with us, something about a job or money or something. PT did not want to stand for a picture so my husband got behind and as I called "PT" the husband smiled and well you get the idea.

On the way to school you would think that I was starting school I had such butterflies. We walked into the school. An aid asked him his name as we entered the school's main doors but he just screamed "noooooo" at her. My first thought, "Oh this should be a great experience, Not"!!!!

There were kids crying "I don't want to go" and some stressed out sweaty parents consoling but my son passed them all and walked right into his classroom. He started playing with some puzzles and saying "hi" to any kid who walked over. My plan was to walk around with Goddess and then slowly back out of the room. PT kept calling "Mommy" as he played. I guess he just wanted to make sure I was still there. As he was putting the puzzle back together a little boy sat down across from him. PT asks, "Chris what's wrong? What happened?" I think, "Oh my poor little guy. He knows so many Christopher's that he is calling all little boys Chris." I turn to the kid, and tell PT that not all kids are named Chris." I ask the little boy his name and God damn it, it was Christopher. So proud, my little guys picked that up by listening to conversations around him. I never give him enough credit.

I slowly got closer to the door, open it and slip out. As I walk to my car in the thickest fog I can remember being in I have no idea what to do with myself. I put Goddess in and head out with no direction. I end up in a friend's driveway, call her, she throws down the lifesaver, and I climb out of my deep, dark abyss. I know, I know..but I just left my baby boy with a room full of strangers, didn't say good-bye and drove away. I have Mommy Guilt people! Sue me.

I watch the clock ticking by defiantly slow. Then after much talking, water, cake and a shoulder to take my mind off of things I see that it is finally time for me to go pick up my sweet, loving, big brown eyed, affectionate, God I miss him so much, baby boy.

I walk into the school and hear screaming. Could it be? Could it be mine? Why didn't they call me? How long has he been screaming? As I approach the door, the teacher give the thumbs up and walks over. "Nope not yours. He was great, Smiled the whole time." I ask, "Did he ask for me"? "No, sorry she tells me." Honestly I am thankful that he didn't but I did feel a little tug on my heart.

I head outside to wait with other parents. I am ready for the door to fly open and for the sworm of kiddies to rush out screaming for their moms, dads, or what-have-you. I poise the video camera, holding the Goddess in my arms await for my little boy to come out and hug my legs as we tell each other how much we loved and missed each other.

The door flies open, PT is the second kid out. Amidst the screams of "Mommy", "Daddy" is my own voice "Baby Boy, Baby Boy!" True, I have it on video. I sound like a complete and utter idiot. After the initial "Mommy" as he flew out the door he shot past me, stopped to look at all the kids and parents hugging shrugged as if to say, "what is this lovefest for" and ran to play on the lawn. What the F Man???!!!

So when does my little boy cry? When I ask for a friggin hug!!! Threw himself on the ground and pretended to cry. Some well meaning person wanders over, asks if he is OK and I tell her, "Yeah, he's fine."

As I talk him into leaving I start walking and see his father (complete surprise, but a good one), I say, "Look, it's Daddy." My son flies down the sidewalk, throws up his arms, my husband swings him up, they hug and walk towards me. Damn Kid! In my mind that is what I had expected to happen for me. I mean I am happy that my husband got it and it warmed my heart but what the F man??

We shall see what happens next week, but his first day...rocked!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Why Am I Sitting Here Crying????

Tomorrow morning my baby boy will be starting pre-school. It seems only yesterday we were holed up in a hospital room getting to know each other. The rest of the world was quietly put on hold as I held my perfect, beautiful first born and examined every finger, toe and crease on his body. He was mine and oh yeah his father's but for those four days in the hospital he was selfishly mine alone.

I watched him tonight as he played with his toys, he has a different favorite every few days. They are tenderly carried around as he goes about his day. They sit at the table with him, go in the car with us, and sleep with him. Tonight it was The Higglytown Heroes that we picked up at the Disney store today. Cuuttee!!! He came into the living room where I was watching Rockstar Supernova and said "Mommy?" I said, "Baby Boy" he said "Mommy" we go back and forth like that for 10 minutes sometimes. He ran out of the room and I teared up thinking about how one day he will be too grown to think about sharing silly games with me, his biggest fan.

His clothes are laid out. He is asleep and all I can think about is tomorrow. This will be the first time since he was 5 months old that I have dropped him off anywhere. I hope I can get through it!!!

I vow to hold the tears back tomorrow and not take more than 300 pictures of him going to school but after I get back home to await for the close of his very first day (2 1/2 hours) away from me all bets are off.