Sunday, April 08, 2007

New Blog at WordPress

I will probably keep the two of them up for now but I think I am heading over to Wordpress.

My new blog is In the Blink of an Eye can be found here

If you have a chance, let me know what you think.


Saturday, April 07, 2007

Tribute and Easter Post

Tonight as I do on every April 7th since 1978 I think about my mom. She will be dead 29 years this year, that seems so ridiculous. It is a life time ago and yesterday.

I was 12 when she passed away from Cancer. It is amazing how the lose of such an integral part of your core makes life so complicated. There is not a day that goes by that I am not affected by the loss of my mother. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t wonder how my life would have turned out had she not died. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t wish that my children were able to feel her arms around them to see her joy in knowing and loving them.

There will never be a day that I don’t miss her with every single fiber in my soul.
As I sit here with tears streaming down my face wishing I could feel her, hear her, smell her, touch her once again I am so thankful for everything that is my life but I can’t help but wonder why. Why, she was taken from me. Why she had to suffer. Why I had to see so much. Why my babies will never know their grandmother.

Last year I wrote about my mom and my grandmother and how they share the same birth and death date. I believe that everything happens for a reason however I would love to know the reason. I have always felt that the reason for them to have the same dates was to prove to me and anyone who cared to believe that there was something bigger than all of us. Fate? Maybe. Coincidence? Maybe.

Last years post with more detail can be found here.

The love I feel for these two pivotal people in my life is still as strong as the last time we drew breath together.

I love and miss you Mommy and Grandma and I think and pray for you every night.

As for Easter….

Today, the kids and I colored eggs (sort of). They colored their hands, the tray that had the dye for the eggs and that is about it. The Hoff took pictures (Thanks Honey) which is really nice since I am usually the one with the camera so all my pictures with the kids are staged using my timer.

Tonight I put their Easter Baskets together and can’t wait for them to see them. I loved Easter when I was a kid. I hope that I can make their Easter as special as I felt it was.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Potty Training is going to be the Death Of Me

So I am undertaking the humungo, painful task of training my soon to be 4 year old. I had vowed to myself.. that he would not turn 1 with a bottle, 3 with a pacifier and 4 in diapers. The bottle and pacifier are long forgotten but the diapers are another story. We have gone done this road before (and here) but he was never really ready. I truly think he isn’t sure if he wants to be a big kid yet. I think I have to make the whole idea of being a big kid very exciting. We’ll see how it goes.

I went out on Sunday to purchase a bazillion pairs of underwear. When I got home I handed him the bag. He took it and said, ”for me?” I told him, “yes, they are for you. Here are your big boy underwear.”

Monday, I asked him if he wanted to put them on he said no! Very firmly I might add. I didn’t push it figuring I would try again tomorrow (Tuesday).

Tuesday I took a different approach; as I was dressing him for the day I put the underwear on instead of diapers. I told him that he was getting to be such a big boy and that it was time to start going to the bathroom like Mommy and Daddy. He started his mantra, he has been saying it for about three months now, “Mommies, go potty, Daddy’s go potty, Nicholas goes potty, the Wiggles go potty, hippopotamuses go potty.” I always follow with “yes, everyone goes potty and soon you will too.”

Tuesday being our first official day of potty training. We had two accidents. Why, well mostly because the damn kid flat out refuses to sit on the toilet. How can I get him to potty train if he doesn’t sit on the damn toilet? When he did he gave me about a teaspoon of urine before he said he was done. I think he was just freaked out about seeing it happen. He held out for 6 hours without going and finally the flood gates let loose and he soaked himself and everything around him. He was literally dripping from his pants as he cried in actual pain. He has severe excemza and has a lot of open sores on his legs from scratching himself until he bleeds. We cleaned him up and told him he just has to tell us he wants to go and we will take him.

He sat on the potty Wednesday, we had 2 pee accidents and 1 poop accident. He did sit on the toilet three times but never did go. I haven’t rushed t0 clean him when he has an accident. I know it hurts his legs. He cries in pain and as much as it pains me, I am hoping that he associates not going on the potty with pain. I don’t leave him long probably about 2 minutes instead of immediately.

Thursday, yesterday we had 2 more pee accidents and 1 poop accident. Oh well, it’s only the third day right? This is going to take a while and patience is very necessary.
Today, he sat on the toilet in the morning. Nothing. He had an accident about an hour later. He sat on the toilet about 2 times between the hours of 9 a.m. and 1 p.m. Around 11:00 a.m. he asked to go downstairs. I told him that he could go if he went to the bathroom first. He did and peed about a tablespoon of urine. I high fived, low fived, middle fived, foot fived. Jumped up and down and stood on my head celebrated. I was thrilled. I told him he was a big boy and told him he could go downstairs. He cried out 2 minutes later that he was wet. Another accident. What the F man!?

He sat down 2 times after and did pee on the toilet. I am so happy. I can’t even explain how proud I am. I know that I will be cleaning up a lot of accidents in the next few weeks but I am hoping to have this thing down by the end of the summer.

Looking on the bright side…I am just thrilled that after 2 days I can finally get him on the toilet without a tantrum.

Jesse, you are such a big boy, getting bigger everyday. I am so proud of you. You are the sweetest boy, so spirited and funny. How did I ever get so lucky to be chosen as your momma? I love you sweet baby boy. You are my heart on legs and I couldn’t breathe without you. I love how you hug me and caress my face. I love how you ask me if I want to read (be still my heart). I love how you look for your sister when she isn’t in view. I love to hear you sing. Your sweet little voice makes me smile from ear to ear. I love everything about you sweetie. Love, Mommy