Tuesday, September 27, 2005

The Exorcism Didn't Take

Yesterday was my angel baby's Baptism. I was hoping for some big turning point, like this morning she would wake up and be cured. Nope, she is still a nails on chalkboard, hair pulling, bundle of banshee girl. She was cute in my Christening dress (looks good for a 39 year old dress) and her big round eyes, little rose bud mouth, dark hair and firmly curled fingers but man can this girl scream???!!! At the church you would think it was a full fledged exorcism the way she screamed and carried on. Looking around I noticed all of the sympathy glances from all of the other parents as they cradled their sleeping angels while my two competed for lead opera singer. Oh well, what can I say at least she looked adorable and was blessed by the church. The party was fun; kind of like a wedding where you don't really get to enjoy your food, don't spend enough talking to everyone, and the day flies by with a few problems but in the end lots of love where you wish you could do it again and really enjoy it this time.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

I'm dying, would you like some more tea?

So what do you say when a friend tells you over a cup of tea that they are dying?

Today while visiting a friend who I could visible tell has been having some health issues answered my how are you feeling question with "I am dying." This is something I knew could happen anytime for her because she had a liver transplant 10 years ago and has been sick ever since. She has a genetic problem with her liver and the meds that she has been taking for 10 years to accept the transplanted liver have basically been poisoning the liver due to the potency of them. She just found out on Thursday that she is being placed on the donor list again and is once again facing the knock of death at her door. It doesn't seem fair. She is a beautiful person who feels things so deeply, has such faith in life and God, is funny, sensitive, loving, kind, spiritual and full of life.

I asked her what this meant for her and what she wanted to do and she told me that she of course wants pray for a liver but knows that her chances are so slim. Also, she has a bit of guilt about being on the list again because she feels that she was already given the chance to live 10 years and doesn't think it is right that she could possibly receive another one when there may be someone still waiting for their first. Like I said she is loving and kind.

Because she was being so blunt and upfront it made it easier to talk to her. We talked while sitting on her deck, drinking tea, looking into each others eyes while she held my daughter. We spoke about her possible demise and the sun shined over our heads, the birds sang and the kids on the block played. In the last 6 years that I know her, whenever I am in her presence I always feel like I am talking to someone deeply connected with something bigger, than us. Something I can't explain.

We talked about her setting up a camera to record herself talking to the people she loves, to the people that she may leave behind. I offered my services. I would love to take her to the Botanical Gardens and take tons of beautiful pictures of her before she starts her stronger meds. I am going to mention it next week. I hope she has the energy.

As we hugged good-bye for the day (I had to get home to change my daughter's diaper), I told her how beautiful she is, how strong and how is everything that God intended for her to be. As I walked to my house a door away, I allowed myself to cry for a moment thinking about how things are so unfair sometimes. Then I kissed my daughter's head, went home, woke my son up and headed outdoors to enjoy the cool autumn air knowing that eventually we all die and I want to create loving memories for my babies.

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Saturday, September 10, 2005

9-11 Remembrance

I cannot believe that tomorrow will be the 4th anniversary of 9-11. The horror of that day will never leave me. I can still remember images and words that were spoken that day as if it was yesterday. I see it all including myself as if it is a movie playing in my head.

I got into work early as usual and as I was sitting at my desk, co-worker Gregg was hanging up the phone, he said aloud to no one in particular, "Jenita just called and says something has hit the World Trade Center." I pulled up one of the local news links on my computer and was watching the footage of what was happening. The North Tower had a huge black cloud of smoke spilling from it, my boss came up behind me to talk about work and I told her what I was looking at. As we watched in horror more people were starting to arrive and before I knew it there were about 8 people standing behind me watching my computer. As we were watching and discussing we the South Tower was hit. I remember turning to my boss and we exchanged a wide eyed gaze. It was quickly obvious that this was not an accident which is something we had been thinking after the first plane hit. The office chatter was feverish and panicked.

I remember listening to a radio with a group of co-workers when we heard that the Pentagon was struck. I happened to look around the room I was standing in and noticed the fear and look of helplessness on various faces. There were some people hugging, some crying quietly, some trying to reach family members on the phone, some sitting on the floor holding their heads and trying to comprehend what was happening.

I called my husband to find out where he was and he told me that he was heading to his parents. He also said, "this is Osama." I had no idea what he was talking about and was just glad to hear that he was safe. I was with Bernadette and her son AJ when the South Tower fell. We were huddled together at her work station. Her arms around her son, mine around her and her son's around both of us. She kept saying, "oh my God, all those people." We cried together as AJ asked each of us if we were ok. I will never forget Bernadette or AJ. We clung to each other when our world was changing. The world we knew was no longer. Fear and panic was clutching my heart and I just wanted to be home with Joe and safe.

I was asked to sit at the switchboard for a moment as the higher ups tried to figure out what to do about the situation. My boss walked by as I was drying my tears. She asked me if I knew anyone in the towers. I told her "lots, and lots of strangers." She said, "oh my God you are right." We hugged.

Our President called a meeting telling us that we were closing our doors so that everyone could go home to be with their families. She said that if anyone felt they were unable to get home safely to tell someone and arrangements would be made.

My buddy Bek, offered to follow me home. I told her that she would be going out of her way but she said she wanted to make sure I got home safe. I will never forget her kindness and unselfish gesture. At a time when I felt that the world as I knew it was falling apart and would never be the same what I did notice that day was that there are people in this life that you can truly count on. People really do care about people. We get caught up in our own lives sometimes but in times of need and when it really matters we can turn to our fellow man.

I am still disturbed, angry, and sad when I watch a 9-11 documentary on television or when I read an article, see a picture or even think about that day. I thank God that I did not personally know someone who perished that day. The amount of grief I have for strangers on that day is hard enough. September 11th will for me, always be a day that America was attacked but it will also be a day that I saw true patriotism as Americans come together as a nation under God or whomever you wish to pray to that is up to you.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Me, My laptop and a slushy

So there I was sitting alone, posting on a friends blog when I decided it was time for a little "me"
drink. Both kids sleeping, the husband outside doing the lawn, what's a women to do? I climbed into a cabinet to reach the ice cream maker which in 8 years of marriage has been used 2 times. I put a glass of cranberry cherry juice, some water and a little drizzle of Absolute. I turned the ice cream maker on and watched as it churned my concoction into the most incredible slush this side of the lake. Ahhh...I can see it now, Malibu Bay Breeze slush, melon ball slush, screwdriver slush, Jack and coke slush, and the drinks just keep on coming!

It truly is the little things

Today was a great day. Why? Well it really is something so small it almost seems silly to make such a big deal about it but to me it really is special. Today, my husband, soul-mate, dude, man, baby daddy, friend, and occasional thorn in my side took us to the park. I have been asking for this for the past year and a half. I took Handsome there every day last year. I would mention to Teach what a great time Handsome would have in the hopes that he would be unable to NOT join us the next time. He never would.

There were quite a few fights about this and he would say that there would be plenty of time for the park but it just never seemed like he was making any. This morning I mentioned a convo that I had yesterday with two girlfriends. They were talking about men and how most don't want to do things with their families. I said that not all men were like that and that I believed that when my kids were a little older Teach would have a lot more interest in doing things with them. His selective hearing button must have not been working because he said "maybe we will go to the park this afternoon". I forced myself to not jump out of my seat with a joyous "yippy" and simply said, "Handsome would love that." He headed outside saying he had some things to do and the kids and I headed to the deck. He started building a new bridge for out creek and I played with the kids until Handsome wanted to go inside. While heading in, Teach said "call me at 2:00 and we will leave for the park."

When we finally got to the park, I found some shade and watched my two boys running, swinging, sliding, and climbing. All the things that Handsome NEEDS to do, and NEEDS to spend some time with Daddy. Handsome had an awesome time and Goddess and I made a friend. Another mom with a 4 1/2 month old was there and we exchanged numbers to get together next week. It is the weirdest thing; I have given my number to complete strangers just because we have kids the same age. This is the only time you can have a five minute conversation with a stranger and hand over your number without wanting a free meal or a roll in the hay. It really is strange.

As we left the park with the baby girl screaming in the back and my son drinking water in his car seat, I looked over at my husband and thought that he was the hottest person alive. Like I said, it truly is the little things.