Feeling Overwhelmed

I have felt like there is too much on my plate lately.

Just two months ago I made a list of places I wanted to go this summer since I had put in to reduce my work hours to just Tuesday through Thursday like I have done for the past three Summers. When the kids were small I took the summer off but COVID happened and I needed to get back to work because of the limited staff. The days off would be hard on my paycheck but they only equated to 17 total days and I was going to be pet sitting so figured the kids and I could do things on one of those days and the other day my daughter and I (son if he wanted to) could visit some of the Google map list of places to go. Yeah...none of that happened.  Pet sitting, meetings, doctor appointments, kid's work schedule, ideas for the class on the days I was working, etc., changed all that.

We did hit the mall three times as my son reminded me today. We did go out to lunch a few times with friends and I think one of those days I was lazy and hung around the house but mostly we were on the go!

I have two weddings, a new class to acclimate to, Halloween, pet sitting, a meeting for my son,  Thanksgiving, a trip to Disney and Christmas to think about and that all starts happening in the next few days. 

Somehow I was under the impression that I would be doing way less at this point in my life. 57 and in 10 years God willing 67. SO what do I have maybe 10 more decent years?!  Wow! That seems so horrifying. 

My husband feels none of this stress. He works then does yard work. The vacation was also booked by him leaving just paying for it as the only stress. I cannot imagine feeling zero stress on a day to day. 

Thankfully I know how to calm my own concerns. I keep everything on a calendar so I can remind myself of anything coming up. I journal so this relaxes my brain and my heart rate is on the low end. Is that good?! I don't even know. 

Do I really feel like I need to ask for permission to relax as a friend mentioned this morning? I don't know if that is me. It's my own fault that I feel stress over the above. Weddings sound fun for some. Dressing up and spending money is a stress for me. Sitting and trying to chat with my husband for a few hours should be good right!? I hope it is. I want it to be but we don't talk much. He likes things quiet so I tend to be quiet. Last night I allowed myself to be a little of my old self. I was chatting with my daughter in the car while we passed a very dark park. Teenagers in the park were laughing and one of them screamed a blood curdling scream. I was talking and without missing a beat, screamed right back. It was a long, loud, blood curdling scream then went back to talking. My daughter started laughing, touched my arm and said "I love you Mom!" she thought it was hysterical. I love that she found joy in it and I found myself loving that I had felt free enough to just scream with the kids. It is okay to be just me but I wish that I felt more "me" with others beside my daughter. Why do I hold back? I use to shine. I use to be okay and capable of handling a few stressers without feeling overwhelmed. 

Maybe one day...well one day has to be right now. I deserve to be around others and situations that bring out the softness, fun, shiny side, not the survival side. It is okay for others to not be okay with what I do or say. It is not okay for me to squash my feelings down because someone may be uncomfortable with what I do or say. 

Time for change has to start now. 

One of My Favorite Commentors Gave Me An Award!

I am thrilled and surprised to receive this award from Lorie



Thanks so much Lorie! BTW...how bad am I. I didn't even know you were a blogger. I don't think you ever left a URL on the Google Doc Comment sheet. I just signed up for your email feed.

Flowers Save The Day

This morning I typed up a post about my day of rememberance and mourning with a smile on my face.

I felt really good and wanted to remind myself in the future, (sounds like a scene from Lost or Back to the Future) that I had been able to handle April 8th well in the past.

Did you ever have one stupid comment, from someone important to you, ruin your entire mood? I am sure you have. We can really only be hurt deeply like that by the people we love.

I thought I was in a good place, and that I was mostly letting silly, unimportant, ridicuoulus and sometime hurtful comments roll off my back. Today, I was unable to let something go. It ate at my core until I just wanted to crawl inside myself and get this day over with.

My bible study was scheduled to come at 4:30 and up until 4:10 I considered keeping the appointment. I called and canceled thinking I would be unable to put on a happy face for someone and sit through the reading.

They were extremely understanding when I told them why the day was a hard one.

About an hour later I was on the phone with my sister when my son said there was a car in the driveway. Then my call waiting rang and it was my bible study group Eliesha and Chelsea telling me they left something by the door. I went out to find this.



I love getting flowers, they are like chocolate and make everything better.

Bible passage they suggested:
Romans 15:4 (New International Version)

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

Ahhh....feeling lighter already!

Blast from my Past

Today while catching up on some internet reading, (stomach flu kicked my ass yesterday), I fell upon some information from my childhood hometown, Millbrook, NY.

The village of Millbrook was a great place to grow up and I have so many amazing memories of living in a small, quaint town of about 1,000. Bike rides with friends, the playground, chuch on Sunday, Sunday school, Brownies, camping, dairy farms, family ice cream runs, drive in movies, parades, fireworks, lemonaid stands, horseback riding, catching frogs, polywogs, and fireflies and holding them in a jar until the last possible moment. Family outings to Vanderbilt and Roosevelt Mansions. It is also where my Mom is buried and my grandparents still have a summer home. Today it is considered one of the wealthiest towns in the State of New York and is full of antique shops and Bed and Breakfasts.

I wish I could go back more often, mainly to take my kids to the cemetery and the park. I would love to take pictures of them playing on the same lawn that I caught my first frog. Hear their voices bouncing off the same walls that my own bounced off so many years ago between the ages of 4-7 would make my heart soar. A trip back home is on my agenda for this year.

This is Bennett College. It was a beautiful female college at one time. My dad was a part time janitor there for a short time. He used to bring all kinds of stuff home that the girls threw away. It was an interesting time the 70's. Lots of browns, orange, mushrooms, and

Then it was condos, and now it is just an eyesore. So sad! These beautiful pictures were found on flickr by some really talented photographers.

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