A Typical Conversation With My 9 Year Old

Did you punch Matt?
No...I hit him. I didn't punch him.
I am trying to help you honey!
I know. I know you are. You are doing the right thing.
So why would u hit him?
I didn't! I didn't do that.
You said you did. Did you do it on accident.
No! I did it on purpose.
Why? You know that is wrong. It is wrong to hit people.
No! You are saying I am wrong. and you are not being correct. I said I did. You don't even understand.
No honey, I said it is wrong to hit someone.
I did do it on purpose. Why do you keep saying I am wrong.
No! Honey. I am saying it is NOT OK to hit someone. You know that right.
Yes!
So, you know it is WRONG to HIT someone.
You are not correct. You lie.
I lie?
You keep saying I am wrong but I am right. I hit him on purpose.
Why?
Because! He had his arms on the table.
That is not your business.
I know.
So. You are not the teacher. You are not an adult. You don't tell someone that it is not right. You mind your business.
I didn't say that. I didn't say I am a teacher. You are lying.
No. I didn't say you said you were a teacher. I said it is none of your business to decide of someone is hogging up a desk.
I know.
Look honey, I am just trying to help you. Do you understand that?
I know. I know you are. You are doing the right thing.
How can I help you?
I don't know
What do I do with this? How do I make it better?
You change it!
How do I change it?
You throw it away and make a new one.

Dealing With Teens On The Spectrum

This morning my son decided to be all angsty teen. In the car usually he wears his headphones and listens to whatever it is he is listening to. We never speak in the car in the morning. This morning I thought, let’s open up a line of communication. So I asked, “How are you friends at school? Has your friend come back from vacation?” The only reason I know someone is on vacation is because I read his phone. I own it so I read it. Both kids were told when they were handed the phones that we pay for them and until they can pay for it themselves, we would need to password to get in and would be checking up on their social media. I believe all parents should check their teens phones.

When I mentioned to my son that I had read on his phone that somone was on vacation he said, “I don’t know what you are talking about.” So I asked, “how about your girlfriend? Is she nice?”  His response, “I would rather die than have a girlfriend.” So, now I know he doesn’t have a “girlfriend” but in the text he wrote to someone “we are back together, we hugged it out and talked things over.”  Knowing my son, I don’t believe he has a “girlfriend” or does he....but a friend that is a girl so I say, it is not nice to say you would rather die”.  He started yelling that he doesn’t know what I am talking about and that I am trying to upset him.  Okay...I know he is a teen and a teen with autistm but this conversation has taken a wrong turn. In trying to open up communication, he is now shutting down and blaming me for ruining his morning

I tell him that no one can make you angry, it is on him if he is feeling that way because I am only trying to talk to him and that at his annual meeting last week, I saw him give 3 other adults that he has only know for the past 6 months a lot of respect and that it is not okay for him to not give it t his parents.  I tell him to see it from my side. My entire work schedule is based around his schedule yet, he never speaks to me in the morning or afternoon and that usually I allow him to zone into his headphones. I ask him to look at it from my point of view and he says. “ know what you are saying, I see it from your point of view and I am sorry. I just didn’t want to talk. Let’s rub it out he says as he rubs my shoulderr (he is in the back seat) I tell him thank you for apologizing but can’t shake the conversation.

We drive to school in silence and I silently cry. It is so frustrating that he is so closed off. Is it the teens or is it the disability? Autistic kids are very set in their ways and he really just wanted to listen to his music but it would be nice to have a conversation with him too.

Anyone else dealing with teens?