Monday, November 21, 2005

End of my Rope

I am a women at the end! I am hanging on by a knot I tied into my thread and the threads are fraying. I think sometimes I am being selfish and although I try daily to be grateful for everything I have, there are times when I think I am losing my mind.

The 2 year old and the 7 month old banshee girl are challenging. The "girl" has a scream in a category all its own. She can shatter glass and if she is not being held she lets it all out. How can I hold her 24 hours a day when I also have a 2 year old that needs attention too? He is basically a really good kid but has 2 year old tantrums a few times a day and comes with all the average 2 year old challenges. You know what I mean, like touching things when he shouldn't, climbing things that can kill him, not listening, selective hearing, making messes, wanting things he can't have, hitting things, crying at impromptu times, the regular kid thing.

I think it is just too many days of the same thing (juggling two babies under 2 1/2), no time to recharge my batteries, waking 3 times a night to feed the baby, waking before the birds, and feeling trapped and alone most of the time.

Yesterday the husband watched football all day which I don't begrudge him, but hello a little help when I am losing it would be helpful. I never get to CHECK OUT yet he can lie on the couch and watch the games without a bit of guilt. I need to learn how to do that. Yesterday I took the kids out for a bit and then was pretty much trapped with the two of them in the bedroom while he lied on the couch.

I think it is time for some ME time! I need to check out for a while every day. He wanted to know what was wrong with me yesterday but I didn't think it would come out right so I told him we would talk later. Mostly because my son was there but also because I didn't want him to feel attacked. I wish he would once in a while think about editing himself before talking to me. After 14 years he still has no idea how to talk to me. He doesn't take my sensitivity into consideration so I usually end up crying (I am a big crier).

Ummm...ok that felt like a weight off my chest. Sometimes just getting it out is all you need but I do think we need to talk about this in detail. I feel unsupported and sometimes like a single parent. Ok it looks like a good cry is in order. Later!

1 comment:

  1. You are right, you do need some "Me" time... being "on-call" 24/7 is very draining. Isn't it AMAZING how men (even the best of them) can flop down on the couch, watching football or whatever their thing is and just assume that is fine, that the household and children are the woman's responsibility and never give it a second thought?? It is something in the Y chromosome I think that occasionally (or often) makes them so clueless. Can you tell your hubby how overwhelmed you are and have a morning or afternoon or even just an hour or two every week that is YOUR time when HE watches the kids and you can go shopping, for a walk, or whatever it is you want to do alone? It would probably be helpful during those overwhelming moments to at least know "Tomorrow I'll have a couple hours alone to do my thing."


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