Thursday, June 23, 2005

Do You Hear Me Sista?!

I can't remember being this bone tired ever in my life even when I was working 9-5 and working a second job from 6:30-2:30 a.m.

Today my daughter cried for about 5 hours and my son cried for about 2 hours. My husband comes in and I start to explain that I was exhausted and that the kids both were making me crazy. He said, "Oh you can handle it." Is he crazy? I really can't handle it. No one in their right mind would be able to handle it. He could never do what I do even for a day.

He started telling me to go to work and he would stay with the kids. Right! Sure! I tried to get him to hold my daughter (she is 10 weeks old) for 5 minutes the other night so that I could eat but he told her to be quiet within the first minute and a half. So I strapped on the Baby Bjorn and tried to shove my sandwich down my throat without getting crumbs in the baby's hair.

Lately I feel like I do not have even a second for myself. I am on Mommy duty from the moment I get up until the moment my weary head hits the pillow for the 3 hours of broken sleep I am going to get for the night.

What I hate more than anything these days is the utter lack of respect my husband shows me these days. I have tiny pearls of quiet in between the moments my colicky baby lets me put her down and my son is not clinging to my legs, I do not want to waste those precious moments picking up my husband's dirty socks, washing his dirty dishes, throwing out is junk mail that ends up piled on the dining room table or cleaning up the stove and counter after he makes himself lunch or dinner. God dammit man I demand respect and if you are not going to clean up after yourself, at least acknowledge that what I do requires work; besides patience, love, energy, sensitivity, humor, dedication and unselfishness. He makes me feel like he thinks I am on vacation.  

Validate me MAN!

UPDATE: 2/24/18 - Rereading this 13 years after the fact I would handle this differently. I was so afraid to say anything at the time. I didn't want to ruffle feathers and mostly I felt guilty that I was home and he was working and the only one making money. I took a back seat to everything.

My husband needed me to stand up and say "we decided together that I would stay home and I need you to help me when you get back from work. I need a break."

I had a tremendous feeling of guilt in the fact that he had to go out of the house, deal with driving, people, work and then come home to babies. I made a conscious effort to always have the house clean when he got home. Always had the toys cleaned up, the babies washed and relaxed because a felt this should be his safe, homey place from the big bad world. 

Maybe if I had demanded more he would have given more. I didn't want to make demands and expected him to just know to do things differently. People treat you the way you allow them to. 

I didn't have any family or friends around. He was all I had. I needed more and he didn't know to give it. 

If you take anything from this young moms, never expect your husband or boyfriend to just know what you need. They need you to tell them. They may not be able to give you what you need and that is a whole other situation but if you don't ask you won't know. 


1 comment:

  1. Anonymous3:56 AM

    I sure did hear you..all the way over here in Australia, cause its exactly what happened to me when my kids were younger, except as you know, he works away 90% of the time. just remember, things DO get easier as they get older. Invite some friends around to help and give them a coffee in return. You will be amazed how many ppl will think you 'can handle it', and not know how crazy you are feeling. love ya maria


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