Saturday, September 24, 2005

I'm dying, would you like some more tea?

So what do you say when a friend tells you over a cup of tea that they are dying?

Today while visiting a friend who I could visible tell has been having some health issues answered my how are you feeling question with "I am dying." This is something I knew could happen anytime for her because she had a liver transplant 10 years ago and has been sick ever since. She has a genetic problem with her liver and the meds that she has been taking for 10 years to accept the transplanted liver have basically been poisoning the liver due to the potency of them. She just found out on Thursday that she is being placed on the donor list again and is once again facing the knock of death at her door. It doesn't seem fair. She is a beautiful person who feels things so deeply, has such faith in life and God, is funny, sensitive, loving, kind, spiritual and full of life.

I asked her what this meant for her and what she wanted to do and she told me that she of course wants pray for a liver but knows that her chances are so slim. Also, she has a bit of guilt about being on the list again because she feels that she was already given the chance to live 10 years and doesn't think it is right that she could possibly receive another one when there may be someone still waiting for their first. Like I said she is loving and kind.

Because she was being so blunt and upfront it made it easier to talk to her. We talked while sitting on her deck, drinking tea, looking into each others eyes while she held my daughter. We spoke about her possible demise and the sun shined over our heads, the birds sang and the kids on the block played. In the last 6 years that I know her, whenever I am in her presence I always feel like I am talking to someone deeply connected with something bigger, than us. Something I can't explain.

We talked about her setting up a camera to record herself talking to the people she loves, to the people that she may leave behind. I offered my services. I would love to take her to the Botanical Gardens and take tons of beautiful pictures of her before she starts her stronger meds. I am going to mention it next week. I hope she has the energy.

As we hugged good-bye for the day (I had to get home to change my daughter's diaper), I told her how beautiful she is, how strong and how is everything that God intended for her to be. As I walked to my house a door away, I allowed myself to cry for a moment thinking about how things are so unfair sometimes. Then I kissed my daughter's head, went home, woke my son up and headed outdoors to enjoy the cool autumn air knowing that eventually we all die and I want to create loving memories for my babies.

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