With My Body by Nikki Gemmell

With My Body is at once a manifesto for married mothers everywhere and a highly personal story of one woman’s sexual awakening.  A wife, comfortably married with three children, is contemplating the constraints of motherhood and middle age, and finding that she has gone numb within. Locked in a never ending cycle of house chores, school runs, and meal times, she sees no way to live her life with honesty, verve, and passion. Even her husband, whom she loves, has never touched the core of her being. Only one person has ever come close, so despairing of ever finding a way through her family to reconnect with her innermost identity, she returns to the memory of an old, unresolved love affair. Revisiting her past, she will confront the hidden truths of her heart while beginning an exhilarating journey into her sexuality.  Exquisitely raw, bold, and emotional, With My Body is deeply resonant of the classic French erotic writings of Colette, Nin, and Duras—but with a provocative twist and modern insight into present-day sexuality and that could only come from the intimate and invigorating voice of Nikki Gemmell.

The 411 by Maria:

From page one I am completely drawn in by the writing style.

The middle age, unnamed wife with three kids could be any of us. She is in a rut and bored with life as she knows it. Kids, chores, meals, etc,. She longs for something else, something to make her remember the person she was before all of it. Who can't say they have felt a sense of self loss in the mundane tasks of the everyday? 

While trying to find herself she takes us back to her youth and a relationship she had as a child. While it isn't a relationship I felt comfortable reading about as it is a sexual one between her teen self and an older man, I am able to realize that there is a reason she needed the relationship.  She lost her mom at a young age and her father remarried a woman who didn't want her. She was disconnected from her family and needed attention; anyone's attention. It is easy to see how this relationship manifested.

When reading other reviews, I disagree with them wholeheartedly. Yes! The relationship was scandalous. Yes! She should be happy with the wonderful life she has. Yes! Yes! and Yes!  But the book is beautifully, eloquently written and while it is not for everyone, as the young girls has a very sexual relationship with a man named Tol who makes her into his little play thing by teaching her how to enjoy sex to the fullest, it is a story worth reading with an open mind.

I was rather surprised by the reviewers who couldn't understand the main characters need for affection and attention. As someone who grew up without a mother (she died when I was 12). Whose father took off to live his own life (selfish man) and being left with my grandparents from the age of 14 (my grandfather had been molesting me since I was 7), I can tell you that sex with an older man would have been the least trouble I could have gotten into.

My final thoughts are:

• The book is not for everyone
• If you don't like reading about sex definitely don't read this one. While I didn't find it graphic. The sex between a grown man and a young teenager could be unsettling. 
• The sexual relationship doesn't over power the book. It is there to enhance the scenes and allow us to understand why the main character (never named) is so drawn to him.
• The feelings of an adolescent girl and all the craziness, madness, uncertainty, neediness, and emotional drama is captured in these pages. 
• Wonderfully written!

Disclaimer:
I received a complimentary copy of this book for the purpose of this review. All opinions are my own. No monetary compensation was given.