Sunday, January 05, 2020

A Poop Post


A Poop Post

Yeah well, let’s see, we are entering our 3rd week of potty training the Goddess.  Last week, my 2.5 year old Goddess threw me for a loop. I totally underestimate the way this chick thinks. I am a little freaked out by how smart she is. I mean, don’t get me wrong..I know this girl has brains but I was unaware of how calculated her little mind is. I am realizing that I need to be 10 steps ahead of this one.
Case in point..about 6 days ago (I’ve been busy with work), she called me into the bathroom (warning: stop reading if you don’t want to hear about SHIT) to tell me she had gone “look at that poop mommy!”
I said, “where” as I bolted from my dining room chair scared of what I would find. Did she take off her diaper and shit on my floor? What now?
She is standing in the bathroom pointing to the potty. I see the little, brown mess and and just as I am about to hug her for doing “#2” on the potty I notice her fingers. Yup, her fingers are covered in the same brown stuff that is sitting in the potty. So, as she stands there still pointing and beaming about her poop I start taking inventory. Where is the diaper she had on? Poop on the fingers and in the potty, my eyes and mind are racing at the same speed as I try to piece it together.
“Where is the diaper Goddess?”
“I don’t know, I went in the potty!”
“Yes, I know you did but where is the diaper?” I ask again still smiling but through clenched teeth.
“I don’t know, I want candy, candy, candy.”
I start running water in the tub and pick her up making sure her hands are nowhere near me.
Scrubbing shit off her hands, legs, ankles, butt, and feet I again pry into the whereabouts of the diaper.
She insists she has not idea.
I dry her, put new clothes on her and begin the search for the missing diaper.  Is it in her room, do I need the carpet steamer? No, no, no…I search every corner in every room and come up with nothing.
I go to the kitchen and open the garbage can lid, low and behold…there it is under the paper-towel, lunch scraps, rags, coffee grinds from the morning coffee, and all random garbage collected from the day. The diaper!
I hold it up like I found the holy grail.
What the…this kid is 2.5 years old and she is already trying to get over on me?  Just to get a miniature M& friggin M?  I am scared to think of the shenanigans this chick is going to put me through in her teens.
We’ve only just begun!

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