Found on my Sister's Facebook this morning. She doesn't know where she got it and while it is written for men (and I concur they should totally read this), I believe there are aspects of it that woman should being doing as well. After all, it is a two way street and they have many of the same needs we have.
Obviously, I’m not a
relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being
finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would
have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage
of almost 37 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had
1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry
you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to
fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you
will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER
GET LAZY in your love.
2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as
you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your
own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly,
but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter
except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and
invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly
change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in
five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will
come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T
HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may
give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may
never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you
did when you were courting her.
4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her.
Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you
focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you
focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus
to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know
without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this
woman as your wife.
5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER…
your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever
changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what
you wanted or not.
6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own
emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make
you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and
through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your
love.
7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry
at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU.
They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those
feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what
it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to
this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your
childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them…
when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you
will wonder why you ever were.
Allow your woman to JUST BE.
When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to
HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and
that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can
always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a
storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and
unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY
WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t
going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and
emotion.
9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific
ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to
create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those
things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.
11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your
attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that
when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would
your most valuable client. She is.
12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER
SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to
consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to
the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness
as she knows she can trust you fully.
13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT….
And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so
will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones
you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too
stupid.
14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving
and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to
nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go
and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will
come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic
here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself,
ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get
re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the
kids and the world.)
15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to
have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and
quick to acknowledge your mistakes.
16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT.
If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING…
Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to
fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don't know i
she will like what she finds... Part of that courage is allowing her to
love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE
MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up
perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of
what love can be.
17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The
stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and
cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle,
just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common
goals, dreams and visions to work towards.
18) DON’T WORRY
ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to
win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage
both persons strength to win.
19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and
focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let
your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either
you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold
you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose
love.
20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS
CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is
the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there
is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will
always endure.
In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever
after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a
willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure
eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.
Marriage
is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles
and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the
strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.
These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.
Saw this on my sister's Facebook this morning. She doesn't know where she got it and I can't find it anywhere online but it is very sound advice for anyone in a marriage.
But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward.
Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again,
and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any
storm and any amount of time.
If you are reading this and find
wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are
still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have
forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these
hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will
learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.
The woman that told him 'I do', and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.
If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to
be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of
where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while
there is time.
MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an
EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your
woman deserves that from
Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.
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