|My beach read the past two weeks|
RAISING RESPECTFUL CHILDREN IN A DISRESPECTFUL WORLD (order at Amazon) by Jill Rigby (pub date Aug. 8, 2013). With the streamline of provocative movies, vulgar music and violent video games flooding mainstream media there has never been a greater time for aid in teaching parents how to raise respectful, engaged and grateful children. Rigby has written a positive and straightforward book that is beneficial to both parents and children who are struggling with self-esteem and self-respect.
The 411 by Maria:
Every parent I know recalls saying or thinking, why don't kids come with manuals? Well, you need not ask this anymore. On August 8th pick yourself up a copy of Jill Rigby's Raising Respectful Children In A Disrespectful World.
Open the pages and read about three different styles of parenting:
Parent-Centered: Where parents are more concerned with their own agenda than their child’s best interest. I know many of these parents.
Child-Centered: Parents are more concerned with getting their children's approval than their kids well-being. I know quite a few of these parents too!
Character-Centered: These parents are more concerned with their children's character than their kids comfort.
I must admit that I fall in between the last two. While I don't want my kids approval, I want them to feel they have a voice. I know them very well and see them for who there are. They are not MINE. I do not own them and realize my job is to make them the best people they can be and people that others want to be with but I don't want them to ever feel scared, afraid, disappointed, alone, sad, mad or hateful. This sometimes makes for a difficult time when it comes to discipling.
However, I do ask for respect and want them to be respectful toward others. I have always felt respect costs you nothing and you should always give it.
NOW..where Jill Rigby comes in...she taught me that many parents are focusing on self confidence where we should be concentrating our effort on self worth! I completely agree. She also mentions how parents should be their children's coach, not their cheerleaders because cheerleaders can not win the game. Love this analogy.
So many parents tell their kids, they are the best, they are great, smart, yada yada yada. Jill gives scenarios and parents reactions showing why something doesn't work.
My favorite section of the book was about discipline and how discipline is not punishment. This is something I feel many parents DO WRONG. I remember one of my employers who I wasn't particularly close to saying that if you discipline with love in your heart it is the right discipline. This was long before I had kids and it is something I always think when I have to be THAT PARENT. Kids are kids and they make mistakes. We as parents know better and sometimes we have to discipline. It is something I hate doing but try my best to make sure I am not punishing. There is a story she mentions about one of her kids not clearing the table and having to be reminded. She made him do his task 10 times. Asking to be excused, picking up his plate and taking it to the sink. Imagine 10 times. BUT..he never forgot to do it correctly after. LOVE IT!
This book is a real eye opener. Less talk. Very practical, insightful and advice that will make any parent say..."I've been doing it all wrong!" If you want to be the best parent you can be, this is truly the book.
Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy for my honest opinion.
Parent-centered Child-centered. Character-centered parents Drawing a distinction between performance and purpose, this book maintains that rather than focusing on what you want your child to do, you ask what you want your child to become. Finally, Rigby calls for parents to discipline (teach) their children rather than punish them.