The Way To Break A Mom's Heart!

As moms we know that our children will sometimes hurt us. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes not but we know it is going to happen.

Our job as a parent is to create the next generation of hopefully, good people and some days our job is harder than others.

My heart still hurts from this morning and it is 2:10 pm right now.

Things in the house were a little different this morning as the kids prepared for school. Dad/Teach, who is usually here left early heading out to a new job which he started today.  Handsome got dressed as usual. Goddess had to be woken as usual. Water and snacks were put into their book bags and I was ready for a morning walk after the bus came, as usual.

However, fast forward to the bus stop. Handsome who is incredibly competitive NEEDS to be the first at everything. If he doesn't come in first, everyone else cheated. The bus came just as I put the car into park. I said, "the bus is here" and got out of the car to help Goddess with her book bag as I do every morning. He is usually already out of the car and up the first step before Goddess even is out of the car. This morning, I started walking her to the bus with Handsome whining and saying, "I'm stuck, I can't get out. My zipper, my seatbelt, ahhhh...ohhhh agggghhhh". I'm paraphrasing but it was something like that. Picture lots of whining and a not so happy camper. I walked back over to his side after getting her on the bus to a crying Handsome. He was not happy because he must have zipped his jacket over his seat belt in his haste to get out of the car and it was stuck. I motioned for the driver to go knowing that they had to u-turn at the end after two stops and we could pick it up on the other side of the street.

Handsome has his fingers in his mouth and is hysterical crying. I am nervous because I can't imagine what Goddess is thinking because as far as she knows, he was right behind her to get on the bus. Is she scared, confused, nervous?

I wrap my arms around handsome who is still crying hysterical and tell him everything is OK, I will get his zipper. He says, "Can you help me please?" I tell him that it is done and to calm down, we can get the bus on the other side. He doesn't want to go he says, and proceeds to cry again. His decorative zipper part has ripped off and he wants me to put it back on. I explain that when he tried to pull it off, he broke it but that it is OK, his zipper works. He cries again telling me he doesn't want to to. I am torn between worrying about Goddess, not wanting the bus to wait for him and wanting to get my day on schedule. I feel terrible but know that the coddling isn't helping. So, I give him a hug, suck it down and say, "STOP IT RIGHT NOW! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? YOU ARE GETTING ON THE BUS AND YOU WILL STOP! YOU ARE 8 YEARS OLD AND IN 2ND GRADE. PLEASE STOP CRYING SO YOUR FRIENDS DON'T SEE YOU. GET ON THE BUS! IT IS COMING. He stops crying and says, "don't yell at me!"

Knowing I got through, I stop the bus. He starts his "I don't want to go" speech and I stop him. "You are getting on that bus. I will see you after school. Have a good day! I love you honey." He starts walking and says, "I don't love you!"

****insert screeching breaks****

My heart aches, shrinks and constricts. I  know it is just words out of anger and when I ask him later he will say, "I do love you" but it still hurts.

I called his teacher and told her what had happened in case he was off today and asked if she would text me to tell her that he was OK! She said she would and actually called me. All is well but I still hurt!

Thankfully, a mother's heart can break many times but we always have enough love to glue it back together.