We’ve been dealing with the Covid-19 pandemic for over a year now, and for
many, life under lockdown is taking its toll. Psychologists are reporting a
rise in “pandemic fatigue” with more and more people starting to feel
exhausted, stressed, and unable to cope.
While the
constant hum of anxiety has had a significant negative impact on the entire
population, parents are experiencing this at much greater extremes and much
higher rates.
According to a
recent Brainly survey of 1,000 US moms and dads, 86% of parents said they are finding it
harder to stay positive day-to-day compared with before the pandemic,
marking a 21% increase from October 2020.
“These are
unprecedented times, and as parents, our number one goal is caring for our
children and seeing them through the other side. That said, if we don’t put on
our own oxygen mask first, we won’t be able to do the work that’s required for
them, our families, our colleagues, or ourselves,” says Patrick Quinn,
Parenting Expert at Brainly,
the world’s largest online learning and homework help community.
While it's not
always avoidable, Quinn
has several tips to help reduce your chances of experiencing Pandemic
Parent Burnout and help mitigate its negative side effects.
- Take care of your three pillars of physical wellness: nutrition, sleep, and exercise. Not making time to
adequately care for yourself increases the risk of burnout, and while
these pillars of physical wellness may seem like a “no brainer,” you’d be
surprised how many parents don’t place enough importance on them and their
connection to burnout. Experts agree that getting consistent, high-quality
sleep improves virtually all aspects of health, which is why it is even
more worthy of our attention during the coronavirus pandemic. In addition,
not only is regular daily activity good for our
physical health, but it can also give us an emotional boost. Stretched for time? You don’t need to spend hours at the gym to reap these benefits. Mini-workouts and short walks are convenient ways to make exercise a daily habit. Last but not least, making a real effort to eat healthy foods will do wonders for your mood and energy level...far more than feasting on chocolate, chips, and other
‘comfort’ foods.
- Share your experiences and connect with other parents and friends. “One of
my biggest pieces of advice to help parents overcome pandemic burnout is
to connect with friends. That is something that often goes by the wayside
when parents are struggling because when they’re working and raising
children, they feel like there’s no time. However, it’s absolutely crucial
for parents to connect with friends and share their experiences in order
for them to maintain their emotional health,” says Quinn. Research shows that spending time with friends triggers the release of the feel-good hormone oxytocin. Friends can also provide a support system by listening, providing helpful feedback, or
commiserating about the challenges of parenting and feelings of pandemic burnout. Most importantly, it breaks the cycle of isolation that often accompanies burnout by opening the door to have your experience normalized, which helps us feel less alone. While social distancing rules may make it difficult to get together in person, FaceTime, Zoom, or even an old-fashioned phone call can still help.
- Ask your kids questions, instill boundaries, and provide support to each other when needed. “Talk with your
children about what they are learning in school and doing on their
computers and phones, and decide if any limitations or oversight measures
are called for,” says
Quinn. For example, with a Brainly Parent Account, you can pair your account with your child’s account to track their learning progress, see their strengths and challenges, and help them with homework. Brainly takes safety very seriously and works with parents and its online community to establish best practices for safeguarding every child’s account. On top of that, Brainly provides privacy controls for every user and recommends that parents adjust those settings based on their specific needs. Plus, any upgrades parents buy for their own account will automatically carry over to their child's account for free.
- Make it a priority to spend quality time with your kids and be generous with your affection. While we need to ensure our
children are learning, it’s also important that we are monitoring and
supporting their mental and emotional health during a time of acute stress
and anxiety. What if instead of burning ourselves out, we could make the
most of this time home with our children? What if we could cherish the
opportunity to all learn, work, create, and play under one roof while
finding new ways of doing so at the same time? In addition, Quinn adds: “Across species, physical comfort is a powerful way to manage stressful events. As much as your sheer quantity of family time might not make extra squeezes or hand-holding automatically appealing, that’s often exactly what kids need to manage big emotions that are simmering under the surface.”
- Build micro-moments for your own self-inquiry into your routine. When we’re constantly caring for others,
it’s difficult to even identify or be aware of what we’re feeling
ourselves. Meditation may be overwhelming right now, but even if it’s 10
minutes in the morning, try to find some silence to sit with your own
feelings and thoughts. A stream of consciousness free-write is a great way
to excavate thoughts that are clouding our ability to take action or find
clarity. If that’s too daunting, try a journal prompt like “I’m going to
forgive myself for…” or “I am inspired daily by…”
- Cut yourself some slack. You deserve it now more than
ever. “The most important thing a parent on the verge of burnout
can do is give themselves a break. This is supposed to be hard, and it’s
okay to fail at some stuff. In fact, it’s impossible not to,” says
Quinn, Brainly’s Parenting Expert who’s also the father of three
school-age children and a former educator. Just remember, you’re not
alone—most parents are struggling, and unfortunately, that’s to be
expected given the circumstances. It’s not your fault. Try not to be hard
on yourself for every slip-up, missed deadline, pile of laundry, or
whatever else feels like a “failure” right now—burning yourself out only
makes meeting your family’s basic needs that much harder.
- Practice realistic self-care.
Taking a spa day is not realistic self-care for busy parents, let alone
during a pandemic. But thankfully, realistic self-care can be as simple as
taking five minutes alone on the patio to practice some yoga and breathing
exercises, taking an extra-long shower or bath, enjoying a special glass
of wine once the kids have gone to bed, or reading a few pages of your
chosen book before bed, to name a few. You can also check out this list of
the best self-care apps that make a few minutes of well-being just a tap away. Finding a way to recharge each day helps you to be able to continue to support your family. Quinn says: “By doing this, you are giving yourself an allocated time to focus on yourself, something you haven’t done for the whole day. Although it sounds simple enough, most parents do not do this. Once they settle down to unwind, another chore or task will pop in their head, and up they get. However, by actively incorporating this into your day, you will begin to appreciate and look forward to it. In fact, you’ll soon notice how these little breaks throughout the day or week will lift your mood and effectively help you be more present with others throughout the day.”
- Try to
preserve your routines to help maintain a sense of normalcy in your life. What we know in crisis and in life is that
we thrive off of predictability and knowing what’s going to happen. That’s
why it’s important to try and get up at the same time every day and make
sure you’re doing things you’d normally do, including taking a shower,
getting dressed, and eating breakfast. This applies just as much to kids
as it does to parents. Establishing a sense of normalcy gives us at least
some level of control at a time like now when so much feels out of our
control.
- Connect with purpose and practice gratitude. Children are resilient and tend to bounce back from
adversity as long as they have the love, support, and reassurance they
need from their parents. Practicing gratitude for the small things you are
thankful for and focusing on values-based goals, even when you cannot
control your surroundings builds resilience. We are the best versions of
ourselves when we are happy, inspired, and full. What are the activities
that bring you the most joy? What are the techniques you use to feel
better about circumstances that are out of your control? “Whether it’s
starting a prayer journal with your kiddos, writing down five things
you’re thankful for at the beginning or end of every day, or writing thank
you/get well soon cards to first responders and those who are sick in the
hospital with Covid-19, anything you can do together to process your
emotions in a healthy way and put things into perspective will go a long
way in helping you (and your child) avoid pandemic burnout,” says
Quinn.
- Seek professional help if needed. We are living through unprecedented times filled with
unprecedented stress, which means you might be having unprecedented
difficulty managing your mental health. Quinn says: "A big
thing for me is that there's no 'wrong' time to ask for help. If
you feel like you could benefit from talking to a mental health
professional, you probably could, and I think that's a very big part of
self-care. There are also countless telehealth options available right
now, so you won’t even have to leave your house to consult a medical
professional.”
At the end of
the day, it’s important to remember there is no ONE right parenting decision
right now. Pandemic parenting involves doing what feels like the best option at
the time, knowing you may have to reevaluate in an hour, a day, or a week and
that’s okay.
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