Saturday, June 15, 2013

Happy Father's Day & A Post About My Pop

Written Father's Day 2008



I am choosing to write about my Father because well, it is Father’s Day and because I really haven’t written about him in the 4 years of blogging.

*I call my dad, Daddy and will until the day I die.

*My daddy grew up in Brooklyn, NY.

*My daddy sang when he was a tyke. His parents sent him to a singing, dancing school because he from what I hear pretty good. As a child I always thought he had a good voice when he sang to the radio. He reminded me of Neil Sedaka.

*My daddy was a marine.

*Daddy was married before he married my mom. He married her at 26 so I am not sure how old he was, how long he was married or if my mom even knew. I found this little bit of information out a few years ago. Interesting how something like that could be kept under wraps for so many years. My mom died in 1978 and I found in 2001.

There is a bit of mystery to the whole thing and I am unsure of whether I have siblings from him or not. Supposedly “he was coerced into marrying her because she was pregnant. She told me the kids were mine but her father, my Sargent, helped me get out of it because they were not mine.” It seems strange that a father, circa 1960 would help some dude get out of marriage to his own daughter with 2 kids. It seems strange that this story never came out.

I have asked him on many occasions if I have brothers and he tells me no. I doubt I will ever know the real truth.

*My daddy was a printer by trade. He worked the big press machines for a publisher.

*My daddy is so funny. He always made me and everyone else laugh.

*My daddy makes friends easily and always had a lot of friends.

*My daddy lost his wife to cancer in 1978 and cried all the time.

*My daddy met a man (who he is still with) on a pier in Manhattan one night while he was crying and about to throw himself into the east river (imagine the life I would have had? Losing my mom at 12 to cancer and then my daddy taking his own life when I was 14!!

*My daddy is gay and now says he was since he was in the service. When I ask if my mom knew, he says yes. I find this, if true, to be very sad. Did she think she had to settle?

*My daddy’s father, my grandfather molested me for years.

*My daddy dropped us off at my grandparents house and never looked back. He came to see us on some weekends but he was selfish and living his own life. He uses the gay factor as his reason. “I thought it embarrassed you and your sisters, so I moved away.” If anyone should be embarrassed it should be him. How dare he leave 3 girls who just lost their mother to live his life. What kind of father is that?

*My daddy’s boyfriend and I never got along. I wish it was different because I feel like he came into my life (a child’s life) and it was his job to create a relationship with me.

*I love and accept my daddy with all his faults.

*My daddy let me down when my daughter was born and he was supposed to come watch Handsome.

*My daddy has never met my daughter.

*My daddy likes to make himself come off smelling like a rose.

*I talk to my Daddy 2 times a week and look forward to it. He is one of my favorite people to talk to.
*I miss him and the relationship we should be having.

*My daddy and I have not had a father, daughter relationship since I was 12. He is a guy friend that I call when I want to shoot the shit.

*I would love to take pictures of my kids with my daddy.

*My daddy sends the kids 1 dollar each a week and they love it.

*My daddy is so vain that the last picture I have of him is from 2003 when my son was born. He will not send a picture because he looks old. He promises me tons of them but never delivers.

*My daddy is too far away.

*One father’s day, I would love to hug him and tell him in person.

49 comments:

  1. Fathers are very important to their children. Happy Father's Day to all fathers!

    Nancy

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    1. This is very true even when they are absent

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  2. :) What a lovely post about your daddy!

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    1. Thank you Jennifer. He isn't perfect but who is?

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  3. I am thinking about my dad, his faults and all as I read this. Yes we love them, no matter what and they love us back.

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    1. Janet, If people could do better they would. We have to accept they are doing their best and appreciate what they give us. Some can't do any better.

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  4. hope you get to see your dad soon

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    1. Me too but it is doubtful. Money doesn't allow us to fly out to each other.

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  5. Love is so complicated. You are strong and forgiving and I hope your daddy appreciates what a great daughter you are.

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    1. And I'm sorry you had to put up with that kind of grandfather. No child deserves that.

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    2. Thank you so much Renee. Unfortunately people like my dad don't always see their faults.

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  6. Its good that you love your Dad and have somewhat of a relationship with him despite everything that happened to you, and between you and your Dad, when you were growing up. I miss my Dad so much. He passed away suddenly and unexpectedly almost 6 years ago. I never got to say goodbye. My 3rd child was only 7 weeks old. I've had 2 more children since then. My youngest three will never know what its like to have a grandad, or how wonderful and loving their grandad was. I miss him every single second of every single day. I loved him so much, he was one of my best friends, and not a single hour goes by that I don't mourn, that I don't wish, and that I don't have sorrow in my heart. Cherish the time you have, and make time to see him even if you have to do the work. I think it would be worth it for both of you.

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    1. I am so sorry Andrea! Financially we can't fly out to see each other. It is the situation and I won't be able to attend his funeral when his time comes. Distance is minimal thanks to phone calls but my kids will never know him. He is the guy who sends them a dollar every week. I love that they have that but he will never know how truly awesome they are.

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  7. what a great tribute to your dad!

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  8. That was very touching to read, like the above poster put it "what a great tribute" it really is ;)

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    1. Thank you Veronica. He is my dad and I love him although it is because I have a forgiving heart. There are times he doesn't deserve it. He is my Daddy and that will never change.

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  9. This post made me cry, Maria! Thank you.

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    1. Awww sorry for the tears. Thanks for commenting. I appreciate any and all comments

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  10. What a sweet blog post. It totally made me cry. I call my dad "Daddy" too, he just died in December 2012 after a 6 year battle with brain cancer. In my eyes, he won... no one lives for 6 years after being diagnosed with that death sentence. Daddies really are heros! <3

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    1. I am so sorry to hear about your Daddy! They will always be "DADDY" to their little girls.

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  11. Even though your Daddy may have his faults, all fathers do. Some are just more extreme than others. It is great that you still want to have a relationship with him and I hope that one day he realizes your want and need to have that bond.

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    1. Thanks Becca. He does the best he can. It is who he is. He is a martyr and I know it. A leopard can't change his spots but I will love him forever.

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  12. I think that is very healthy and theraputic that you wrote this excerpt in your blog. I think we all can relate to some of what you have posted. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Thanks so much Dorrie. I find writing so much cheaper than a therapist and I think it is what keeps me sane in my crazy life.

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  13. That was definitely emotional and seems like a really complex relationship. Thank you for sharing it.

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    1. Thanks for commenting Marti! It is complex if we allow it to be but I think of it as easy because I know it is what it is.

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  14. Thanks for the real emotion and honesty in your post. I think that it is really good to get this stuff out.

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    1. Gina, yes I agree...don't let anything fester even if you never say it to the person it is better to get it out and move on from it. Thanks for commenting.

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  15. I have such a hard time calling my dad on Father's Day. I actually called and my mom answered and I asked her to tell him Happy Father's Day :(

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    1. I am sorry that is happening for you but remind yourself of your good heart. Your intentions are there and if you didn't care, you wouldn't even make the call to your mom! Best wishes for a lighter heart.

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  16. Hey I'm, well let's just say I am newly inducted into the Golden Girl Society, and I still call my dad "daddy". It is obvious just how much your daddy means to you and it is a very touching testament. I loved it!

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    1. Awwww...Robin, I love that! Yes, they are daddy forever.

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  17. It is wonderful that you can go through all of that and still want to see your daddy! He is a lucky man!

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    1. I doubt he will ever realize that Sonya but that is OK! He plays the victim often and if he was a stronger man he would do better. Weak minded and sensitive are bad combinations for a man. I totally agree with you, HE is a lucky man. Thank you for commenting.

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  18. I am commenting again as there is so much about your post that correlates to my "daddy". *My daddy lost his wife to cancer in 1978 and cried all the time." We lost my mom 09-03-2009 and I didn't think my daddy would every stop crying. It hurt just to visit him. Love conquers all they say and it appears to be so very true for you. I am so sorry that you had so many terrible events during your life, but I think it is wonderful that you came out on top and you can still love and be loved!

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    1. Robin, thanks for commenting again. Watching my dad cry was horrific. It changed me as a person and hurt my heart so bad. I think it is why I still protect him by not being totally honest with him all the time. Love does conquer and it also makes you more willing to accept someone's faults.

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  19. what a great article and a great tribute to your dad :)

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  20. I hope you can get photos in person one day *hugs*

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  21. What a touching post, thank you so much for sharing! :)

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  22. Our parents are human first with faults. That you can see beyond that and maintain a relationship says a lot about you. From following your blog I admire you giving your children the best childhood you can. Thank you for sharing this part of your life.

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  23. What a very heartfelt post, I had tears in my eyes reading it and I'm very sorry about the loss of your mother at such a young age. Such a tragedy. You've had a tough life and you've overcome so much. That's very admirable. Reading your post made me miss my daddy even more. I haven't seen him since 1989, the year he died. I was only 17 and the loss of my father at such a young age shattered me emotionally. I miss him so much. We shared a close relationship when he was alive. I adored him and was his baby girl. We had a close bond. I was the youngest of four children and he always made me feel extra special. As for Father's Day, I don't really think about it anymore. It hurts too much as I know I can't celebrate it with him anymore.

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  24. What a complicated and yet beautifully simple relationship! It takes a lot of strength to accept a parent as they are, with all their human faults and attributes.

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  25. Very great articale. we daughters are always daddy's girls and we have memories of our daddies or what we want our daddies to be, but our daddies are who they are, but in our minds eye we always look for the daddy of our dreams, I think that one day your daddy will come around and you will continue to have memories of your perfect daddy, which he is as he is your daddy, as my daddy was perfect to me despite all his faults that I know about now. Love him always and accept him as he is

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  26. I wanted to reread this as it just such a heartwarming glimpse into your life and that of your family's. Thank you so much for sharing such intimate details of your life!

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  27. Your dad is very lucky to have you, you are loving and strong.

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  28. I am .








    I like you, can understand that you love your dad through thick or thin.On the other hand I feel like your dad missed out.He missed spending a lifetime with his beautiful little daughter.I don't know whether he realizes how much he lost and what a gaping hole he left in your life.I also feel like this has made you an even stronger person and I have great admiration and feelings for you.




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  29. Thanks for sharing. You made me think about my father who passed away few years ago. Fathers are awesome.

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  30. Me and my father had a lot of problems too! I often wondered if it would have been better not to have had a father. Then he started being supper good to me. He dies not long later of Pancreatic Cancer. Those last few months when he was good to me was what I had longed for. I know how it feels to have Daddy Issues!

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