Wednesday, March 04, 2020

Damn Kid - September 2006 Post


Damn Kid!!!

So Thursday was the Precocious Toddler’s first day of preschool. I exhibited the basic maternal symptoms of nausea, a stress headache and the proverbial broken heart that my baby boy was so grown. My little guy was beginning a long, long road in his life and this meant something to me. I took the casual picture with his dad who would not be able to go to school with us, something about a job or money or something. PT did not want to stand for a picture so my husband got behind and as I called “PT” the husband smiled and well you get the idea.
On the way to school you would think that I was starting school I had such butterflies. We walked into the school. An aid asked him his name as we entered the school’s main doors but he just screamed “noooooo” at her. My first thought, “Oh this should be a great experience, Not”!!!!
There were kids crying “I don’t want to go” and some stressed out sweaty parents consoling but my son passed them all and walked right into his classroom. He started playing with some puzzles and saying “hi” to any kid who walked over. My plan was to walk around with Goddess and then slowly back out of the room. PT kept calling “Mommy” as he played. I guess he just wanted to make sure I was still there. As he was putting the puzzle back together a little boy sat down across from him. PT asks, “Chris what’s wrong? What happened?” I think, “Oh my poor little guy. He knows so many Christopher’s that he is calling all little boys Chris.” I turn to the kid, and tell PT that not all kids are named Chris.” I ask the little boy his name and God damn it, it was Christopher. So proud, my little guys picked that up by listening to conversations around him. I never give him enough credit.
I slowly got closer to the door, open it and slip out. As I walk to my car in the thickest fog I can remember being in I have no idea what to do with myself. I put Goddess in and head out with no direction. I end up in a friend’s driveway, call her, she throws down the lifesaver, and I climb out of my deep, dark abyss. I know, I know..but I just left my baby boy with a room full of strangers, didn’t say good-bye and drove away. I have Mommy Guilt people! Sue me.
I watch the clock ticking by defiantly slow. Then after much talking, water, cake and a shoulder to take my mind off of things I see that it is finally time for me to go pick up my sweet, loving, big brown eyed, affectionate, God I miss him so much, baby boy.
I walk into the school and hear screaming. Could it be? Could it be mine? Why didn’t they call me? How long has he been screaming? As I approach the door, the teacher give the thumbs up and walks over. “Nope not yours. He was great, Smiled the whole time.” I ask, “Did he ask for me”? “No, sorry she tells me.” Honestly I am thankful that he didn’t but I did feel a little tug on my heart.
I head outside to wait with other parents. I am ready for the door to fly open and for the sworm of kiddies to rush out screaming for their moms, dads, or what-have-you. I poise the video camera, holding the Goddess in my arms await for my little boy to come out and hug my legs as we tell each other how much we loved and missed each other.
The door flies open, PT is the second kid out. Amidst the screams of “Mommy”, “Daddy” is my own voice “Baby Boy, Baby Boy!” True, I have it on video. I sound like a complete and utter idiot. After the initial “Mommy” as he flew out the door he shot past me, stopped to look at all the kids and parents hugging shrugged as if to say, “what is this lovefest for” and ran to play on the lawn. What the F Man???!!!
So when does my little boy cry? When I ask for a friggin hug!!! Threw himself on the ground and pretended to cry. Some well meaning person wanders over, asks if he is ok and I tell her, “Yeah, he’s fine.”
As I talk him into leaving I start walking and see his father (complete surprise, but a good one), I say, “Look, it’s Daddy.” My son flies down the sidewalk, throws up his arms, my husband swings him up, they hug and walk towards me. Damn Kid! In my mind that is what I had expected to happen for me. I mean I am happy that my husband got it and it warmed my heart but what the F man??
We shall see what happens next week, but his first day…rocked!

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