Monday, January 05, 2015

What Is Going On With My Married Friends?

Last year I personally know over 8 couples that separated or divorced. It was weird because it was like an epidemic.  One after the other would share and as soon as I got used to the idea, another would come forward, be spotted either depressed or sitting at an event with someone who was NOT their spouse. It happens! I don't live in a fantasy world that doesn't know that bad things can happen and people can change.

While I am not sure of everyone's situation; OK well I am sure of what they told me but we all know that in every story there is his truth, her truth and the real truth but I am saddened by how many couples WITH KIDS have decided their family, their love, their hearts are not enough to do everything you can to try to figure out a way to stay together.

There are no winner's in separating and I can see its effects on children everyday in the faces of the kids I work with or know.

I am not advocating staying together if you have a volatile relationship that includes, drugs, drinking, abuse, constant fighting and arguing that exceeds the norm of course if these things are happening, the situation needs to be changed ASAP. I am not talking about those types of marriages! I am talking about the ones where one or the other is completely shocked because these things were not going on.

Today I read an article on Yahoo called 8 Marriage Killing Mistakes Woman Make and it got me really annoyed as it was claiming in the title that WOMAN make these mistakes as if men would NEVER do any of these things that could kill a marriage.

As if!!!

AND you could be a woman/husband who is none of these things and still have problems because your spouse will always have a reason as to why they don't want to be married to you and THAT is on them.

My advice; if you want to stay married:

Be the person your spouse fell in love with. We all change but don't forget who you are.
Remember that you fell in love for a reason and try to find it again.
Make your spouse a priority.
Spend time together.
Sometimes do the things they want to do even if you don't want to.
Stay married, it is that simple!
Speak Up! People can't change when you don't tell them in very specific ways without sarcasm what YOU need to be happy. Ask and you shall receive.
Have heart to heart talks as often as you need.
Listen to each other but more importantly, really hear each other.

There is nothing you can't do if people want to put the effort in. Your heart, love and family are worth it.

If you do none of the things the article claims are marriage killers know that it IS NOT YOU. You are not the reason for your marriage to end. There is something more. Something inside your spouse. There is nothing you could have done different.