Saturday, July 30, 2011

I've Been DeFriended And I Feel Fine

This week I was defriended on Facebook by someone who used to tell me I was like a sister. It amazes me how insecure, self important, one sided, fickle, bitchy, nasty, dark, negative, catty and pathetic some people can be.

This does not come as a surprise to me though. I always knew this about this person. She was always negative and has had beef with me over 8 times in this totally ridiculous farce of a relationship. Correct me if I am wrong but I always thought a friend is a friend all the time, not just when it serves them and certainly not if something is bothering them. Friends talk! I could literally be standing next to this person and she would ignore me, giving me the back of her head. In fact, there were times when she dragged my name through the mud because of some slight in her mind she had suffered because of me. She is completely irrational and when asked if anything was wrong would say nothing.

When I met her, I felt she was loud, negative and abrasive. Her trash talking mouth made me keep my distance unless I had to be around her. One day I was invited over her house because a good friend of mine was also there. We lived only 5 minutes apart so I drove the kids there. She was nice enough but I kept my distance. I met her son, maybe 8 at the time and feel in love with him. He was such a sweetie. Very deep and sensitive. I liked him immediately. Eventually it became something that happened more often and the three of us got together even when our kids weren't around. It was OK, but I always felt she was negative and abrasive, something I usually distance myself from. If you hang out with negative people all the time, you will be affected. I kept my distance.

Over time, I learned who she was and like most people in MY family, I accepted her for her faults and concentrated on her positives. She generally is very good with kids. She likes angels as do I. She tries HARD to see the positive (she just doesn't know how). She spends time with her family and puts her kids first. If she could DO better, she WOULD do better.

We had a problem two years ago because she felt she should have been one of my emergency contacts. We had problems because she was jealous of another friendship. We had problems because one day she likes you and the next day she doesn't. I came to expect that there would be a problem every few weeks and that eventually there would be a time when we would no longer speak.

What is the most annoying thing about this, is how little she sees her ROLE in why the relationship has dissolved and she never will. She had a baby shower this month. It was in the city. I do not drive to the city plus it was my sister's birthday and I had planned on celebrating it with her. My daughter was invited to a birthday party for a classmate and my own SISTER understood. I had an amazing day with my daughter and was so happy. Another friend and I had decided we would do our own baby shower just the three of us. Something special for the baby because this other friend couldn't get there either because she was going to Hershey with her family.

On the day of her shower this now ex-friend wrote on her wall something like. "Thank you to all my "true friends" who gave up family obligations to spend this very special day with me. You have opened my eyes to who my true friends are!"

Me and this other friend who couldn't go were so happy for her. We were thrilled she had a great time at her baby shower and talked about what we would get for her and the baby.

A few days later we saw another few Facebook messages about how she wishes people would grow a set of balls and stop acting phony. Then there was another about how sick she is of people who "pretend" to be her friends.

Eventually we realized she was talking about us when she posted on both our walls things like, "oh how interesting this video (which was posted on the 9th at 7:00 PM) is so much more important than being at my baby shower, all of my truly good friends were there). On my girlfriend's wall: Oh you went to Hershey twice this month, hope you had a good time, you missed my baby shower, all of my truly good friends were there.

Yes, it is true we, hadn't been to her baby shower but had planned on doing one for her just us. We had run to her house with our kids in tow or without whenever she was having a dark, needs a shoulder to cry on kind of day. We, who drove her and her daughter to and from school, picked her up on the street, drove her to the supermarket, drove her daughter to CCD, whenever she didn't have a car. We, who spent time showing her how to blog, took time away from our family to take photos for her, got her out of the house when she was having a terrible day, took her daughter on a playdate whenever she had something to do, picked up her son to talk to him whenever she told us he needed someone to listen to him etc., Her true friends, I guess are the people who were "invited" to spend time with her. People who put up with her bullshit and accepted her as a person and forgave her for all her faults and attitude are not!

We have been removed from her wall and while it hurts that I will not be able to speak to her son, what hurts the most is how much time we invested in a friendship that was never going to withstand the test of time. We, know this person enough to know that we will have other issues. She is a nasty, vocal person who will trash talk us until the day one of us leaves this area. However, me and this other person are good people and know a lot of personal things about her that we would NEVER discuss with anyone. We would never go so low as to trash another mother in this town with children in our school. We would NEVER dish on her skeletons! We are good people, we have zero guilt and we will continue to smile and be friendly because that is WHO we are.

Negative people will always look for the negative! If that is what you choose to see you will always see it. I on the other hand see this as a positive. I now know how truly certain my first impression was. This was inevitable and bound to happen.

Moral of this story: Always go with your first impression, it is usually the right one.


  1. Friends are friends through everything, good and bad, and if she couldn't cut it, then she was never a real friend.
    Cut your losses darling, you have more in her place lined up... like ME!!!!


  2. Anonymous8:26 PM

    Hopefully one day this person can see how real "true friends" you and your friend were to her. She obviously didn't see that. I know you are a good friend and thats why we are close. Is sad but sometimes there is a reason why certain people are not allowed back into our lives. Who needs negativity and drama?? Life goes on and we meet new friends and cherish the ones we have now. Love you and I am pretty sure you and your friend will remain close and TRUE FRIENDS for a long time.

  3. Oy I feel your frustration with that situation! I'm going through that currently- with my aunt. It's hard to do sometimes but the best thing is to move on with your own life!

  4. Anonymous11:20 PM

    keep your head up your true friends know you

  5. You know,no matter how good a friend it was,your daughter should have been your first choice.I understand being hurt,but it should have been brought to you in a FRIEND way..not through Facebook..I hate when people put their PRIVATE business on Facebook for all to see.Best wishes to you-in the end you have a wonderful memory with your daughter,which is worth more then any friendship!

  6. Good riddance. There comes a point in life when that self-absorbed, passive-aggressive, juvenile BS just doesn't fly anymore. Life is too busy and too full of the people that truly matter to waste any time, effort or emotion on someone who doesn't give you the friendship and respect that you deserve. Better off without her...and I'm sorry that you had to deal with this crap in the first place!!

  7. Wow, this is almost eerie--the same thing happened to me last week with a friend that sounds very much like yours. We had gone through ups and downs and I have no idea what set her off this time, but she decided to not just unfriend me, but BLOCK me! Some people are just so self-centered and friendship to them is all about what they can get out of it--it sounds like your friend was one of those people.


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