Some
small children don’t care what anyone thinks about them.
If
they want to sing at the top of their lungs, they sing at the top of their
lungs. If they want to wear a silly hat, mix-matched socks or gloves on a hot
day, they do it – with no regard for how others might judge their
eccentricities.
Somewhere
along the line, though, most children long to fit in and begin to worry that
their differences make them stand out – and not in a good way. So, they try to
conform to what they perceive their peers or society expect from them.
“Unfortunately,
in the process they begin to hide what makes them unique instead of embracing
it,” says Jennifer Lynch, an educator, child advocate and author of the
children’s book Livi
and Grace (www.jenniferlynchbooks.com).
“They
become embarrassed or sad about their differences, maybe feel that people think
they are strange, and that other kids won’t like them or won’t play with them.
And in truth, other children sometimes will bully a child who is seen as different.”
Lynch
has served as an advocate for children in the court system, foster care and
treatment facilities. In working with those children, many of whom are abused
or neglected, she says, you often have to help them overcome their insecurities
about their differences.
“It’s
important for them and all children to believe in themselves,” she says. “They
need to understand that different is okay. It’s our differences that make us
special.”
This
message is so universally important, Lynch says, that it became the theme of
her children’s book, which is based on her daughters and their distinct
personalities.
“My
two girls are so unlike one another that it’s almost shocking,” she says. “It
made me think back to the children I encounter in the court system who say they
dislike or even hate themselves because they feel different from their peers or
their siblings.”
Lynch
says some of the ways parents or other adults can help children include:
Remind them that differences make
people special. While
it’s natural for children to long to fit in with their peers, Lynch says, it’s
also important for them to understand that their individuality is what makes
them unique. “Differences are interesting and life enriching,” she says. “Part
of the message is that you should appreciate the diverse traits in everyone you
know, and also appreciate what makes you special.”
Talk to them about the ways in which
they shine. “Kids
like talking about themselves,” Lynch says. “So get them involved in a
conversation about what they are good at. Maybe that is sports. Maybe it is
writing. Maybe they make good grades or they are a good big brother or friend.
Whatever their special talent is, explore it with them so they know that there
is something they do well.”
Encourage them to help other kids
feel good about themselves. Young people can feel empowered not only by embracing
their differences, but also by providing support and being a friend to others
who are different.
“When
you help a child pick out positive things about themselves,” Lynch says, “they
begin to focus on that, not the hurtful things that weigh so heavy on their
hearts and minds.”
About Jennifer Lynch
Jennifer
Lynch, author of the children’s book Livi
and Grace(www.jenniferlynchbooks.com),
is an educator and child advocate who serves as a guardian ad litem, a person
appointed to represent a child’s interests in a court case. She has worked as a
special education teacher for an elementary school and as a preschool teacher.
In addition, Lynch created the You Are Good brand of T-shirts and other
products for sale and for donations. Thousands of the shirts have been donated
to children and teenagers in the system. She holds a bachelor’s degree in
psychology from Texas A&M University.
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