Sunday, September 30, 2012

Oh Goddess! And...I Am Raising An Ungratful Brat

So, let me start this post with this...

Last weekend Goddess and I hit the road and had a blast (more on that later). I loved spending time with her and we went wherever the road took us with no destination at all. It was a blast and she loved every moment.

Today I woke up thinking; while the boys watch football, I am taking her out again. There was a movie she wanted to see called Paranorman and has been dying to have her beloved "Doggy" restuffed for over  year so that seemed like the perfect day with one exception. I hate the mall.  The early movies were at the mall as was Build A Bear where I had heard they restuff even if it isn't a Build A Bear but since I am the anti-mall rat, my desire wasn't to go there but since I am a good mom, it seemed like a logical choice for our time away plus she would be so surprised. 

As she was putting on her "dress up" vampire clothes I walked in and said, "don't put that on, get dressed we are going out". She was excited and told me to remember my camera.

Just before I walked out the door, I told her to grab doggy for the ride like last week. We left the house at 10 A.M and she had no idea where we were going. To be totally truthful, neither did I because I was still uncertain that I wanted to go to the mall.

We headed out and sang along to the radio. She loved the weather and we talked about how beautiful the sky looked as we drove along. It looked like it would be another wonderful day but boy was I wrong.  No, not wrong just let down.

So...when we got to the mall, she was confused, we never come here. Like I said, I am the Anti mall rat, the last time we went was probably 2 years ago for a birthday party at Build A Bear for another kid.

OK, let me stop there...before I get judged for giving her too much I want to add, we never do anything as you can probably tell if you read my blog. We have never taken them on a vacation. Money is always tight so day trips are usually out as is eating out, carnivals (they have been two times), theme parks and anything that requires me to pay money. OK....go....

We walked into the movie theater side and I paid for 2 tickets to Paranorman in 3D. We got our glasses and I explained that we had 20 minutes before the movie and had to run up to Build A Bear. Her face lit up as I checked out the map and noticed it was right above us. Perfect! We got on the escalator which she has only used once (two years ago) so she was super excited.

Build A Bear employees met us with a smile and when I asked if they could stuff "doggy" they said with a bigger smile, "sure, we do that all the time." I was so excited, touched my heart and mouthed thank you to the employee who I found out later is Alisha.

We quickly established that we would come back for Doggy (after talking a reluctant Goddess into it) after  I gave them permission to cut doggy . He is a Webkinz Jr animal (no longer available) and very well made. Literally seamless so he would need to be cut and restitched.  When we left the store, she asked, "can we take the elevator?" Sure, we waited 5 minutes for it to go one floor but anything for my baby!

Since we had our movie tickets we headed to the concession stand where we got water, popcorn and M&M Pretzels because she loves them and I offered, anything for my baby.

We watched Paranorman which was great! I love animation and 3D so literally couldn't stop saying "WOW" and "cool", freak that I am. Thankfully there was only 2 other people there (a father and son) so no one complained.

After the movie, we went upstairs to check on Doggy who was waiting in a bag which was filled out nicely BTW.. I peeked in and called over Goddess to check out her newly restored Doggy. Doggy looked awesome but Goddess right away wanted to remove Doggy's pretty new bows in coordinating Doggy fur color. I told her no and that she would be allowed to buy Doggy one outfit. She settled on a Halloween surprise there.

We changed Doggy at one of the changing stations into her brand new witch costume complete with shoes, handband witch hat and pumpkin goody bag and headed out after paying $23.00. I was feeling great about My and Goddess' wonderful day but we still had one more stop. The dreaded grocery store. Dreaded for me not for her. I hate shopping. I really do. It probably has something to do with always having to count pennies but for whatever reason it needs to be done.

We had a fairly small list and got it done quickly. As we were walking to the register she asked for Monster High plates that she had seen, they are disposable, square plates and she really doesn't need them but what a great way to end our day together. We put them in the cart.

She asked for a Halloween magazine and after looking at the price tag I told her that she could choose between the plates or the mag. She choose the plates. Damn it, I would have saved $3.00

When we got home she took her requested for sushi (California Rolls are not Sushi in my eyes but that's what she calls them) to her room to watch a movie as Teach and I put the groceries away. After her movie I told her we had to do spelling homework to which she started playing typical Goddess games. She didn't want to. She didn't have to. She doesn't know how. She has a bellyache. Her ass hurts. Yada! Yada! Ok..that last part isn't something she said but really I am tired of the nonsense when it comes to  homework.

After much patience of telling her that she only had to write the words three times as per her teacher, she started. After the third word of her not even trying to sound it out, I started my talk. You know the one that goes something like this.

"Oh come on...sound it out. You can do it. I will help you, just try. After this (20 minutes since we had started and only 3 words written) she shut her light off with me in the room and ran out. OK, now I was pissed. Are you kidding me? I called her back. She didn't come. I demanded that she come right now or I was done! She didn't. Her father finally yelled and she came in. She refused to look at the words and started whining that she can't do it.   Spelling and reading are very hard for her but when she doesn't even try I get so mad. I told her, "You know what? Nevermind, don't do it. I don't care. It is your homework and you can tell your teacher you didn't want to do it.

She whinned, "no mommy, I want to do it."

I went back in and there was more whining so I turned to her and said.  You know what? I am done. I thought we would spend our Sunday's together doing fun things without the boys rushing us or not wanting to do things and this is how you treat me. You give me no respect. You don't come when I call you. You don't answer me when I call you.You ignore the things I say to you as if I am not there. You think I am taking you to those two other movies you mentioned you wanted to see?  Why? Why do you do this? Look at what we did today! Look how much fun you had. I took you to the movies. I got doggy stuffed. I even bought that dog an outfit when I haven't bought myself anything new in over two years and this is how you treat me?

And...then she says....."I didn't ask for you to take me to the movies and you asked me if I wanted an outfit for Doggy!"

*Insert car breaks and my heart breaking here!*

My mouth opened and I yell, "Are you kidding me!?" Now Teach just hears yelling so he comes in and gives her an ultimatum, "Do your homework in the next 12 minutes or you are going to bed! You have until 5. This is not a joke and you won't be laughing when you find yourself in this room with the blinds down, the TV off and under the covers crying because you messed up."

She does her homework exactly by 5. My work is done. My heart is bruised. My head hurts so I tell her to put her stuff back in her backpack.

An hour later we are in the kitchen and Teach says to her, "did you like the movie?" She says yes. He than says, you guys had a nice mother/daughter day. You got to spend time together. That is nice right honey?  So, there is where I tell him that she told me that she didn't ask for the movies or the outfit for Doggy.

He is pissed. He is shocked. He says, "you said that to your mother? get out of my kitchen and go to your room. I can't believe you said that to her. That is not nice. All of those things cost money and you are rude."

I know she is 7 but really!? I was literally heartbroken by her ungratefulness and disregard for my time, our money, and what I thought was a great day.

Handsome always thanks us. If we give him anything, a trip to McDonalds he runs over to hug us. When he opens his gifts and sees something he really wanted he runs over to hug us. Last week we were early for something so I took them for a slice of pizza each and he said thank you there and when we got home he said after hugging me "thank you so much for taking us to the pizzeria mommy." He gets it!  I do not expect a lot out of my kids or anyone but I do expect respect. Respect costs you nothing and means so much to others. It is how I was raised and how I present myself to others. I want my kids to be respectful all the time. I am not looking for angels but I do want them to respect themselves and others.

How would you handle this??? What should I do to teach her? It is not like they are spoiled she never gets anything. Usually I tell them, "you can add this to your wish list.



  1. All I can tell you is that I don't think it will get better unless you change your behavior. She can't be rewarded when she treats you this way! I have grown children and they just learn to expect it! This generation in general get what they want and usually a lot faster than we did when we grow up! They think things are just given to them just because. Don't get mad just reward the positive. She acts a certain way and she knows you will act a certain way. You have to change how you react! Rita Spratlen

  2. Anonymous8:52 PM

    I agree with rj7777. What I would have done is made sure that her Homework was done before I took her out. Responsibilities come first. If it means chores, or going out. I make lots of promises to my daughter to take her to the movies, shopping, taking her somewhere she wants to go but she needs to have her HW completed. The Next Sunday outing with Goddess make sure HW is done and she can be rewarded for completing her HW with no headaches. She needs to understand that getting rewarded is not just for her but for you as well.

  3. Well ladies this all makes sense but I was taking her out because we were doing the Sunday thing. The homework was to make it easier for the week so it wasn't expected by the teacher but makes the week easier for us.

    I didn't do the day as a reward it was just something I thought we would do. I guess my question is how do you teach gratefulness?

  4. Carolann Puzio10:15 PM

    With this generation gratefulness is very hard to teach since their piers are handed everything for doing nothing. Such as cell phones and ipads internet usage and cable tv. I believe in a NILIF lifestyle. (nothing in life is free). Use it on both my kids and my dogs. Now my kids are older then yours but still I use this. They have to work for it. But as for the gratefulness it often helps children to understand about it by giving. Donating old clothes to children in need. Giving back to your community is another great way to teach gratefulness. By seeing others less fortunate, children learn to appreciate what they have. Talking to your children about family customs and talk to them how your family custom is to say thank you even for small things. It sounds to me as though your daughter is just going through a girl stage. She knew just how to push your buttons at that moment. I am sure she enjoyed the movie and having her doggie fixed up. Maybe next time it would help to have her be a part of making the decision on where to go. Also having the kids earn change for chores. I gave my kids a couple of bucks a week for doing chores. They paid tax though. the tax money went in a jar and when jar was full it was used to go out for lunch or movies.

    1. Thanks Carolann. Good advice. My parents never had anything but always made it a point to give to others. We used to be so jealous watching them bring groceries to other families when we weren't getting half of what they put in their bags. My parents did a lot of things wrong but I remember their generosity and appreciated it even as a child. She donates things all the time and is happy to do so, I think I was more hurt at her blatant disrespect and disregard for my feelings. I know it was more my problem than hers but it bothers me nonetheless.

  5. Crystal2:36 AM

    Aww! I did't know where your story was going,i honestly expected something much worse. I don't think she said that to hurt you.I think she got defensive when she felt guilty about you spending money on her and not buying yourself anything new in a long time. Maybe the real problem is her frustration in spelling and reading. She probably ran away and wouldn't listen to you because she didn't want to see you upset..7 year old logic! :) I don't think you did anything 'wrong' and it's true with children these days, you are right in being grateful for Handsome's behavior. But you are raising both of your kids well and i don't think that Goddess was trying to be a brat as much as it came out. Glad you had a fun day besides that!

    1. Crystal,
      You think as I do. I really do know she was just frustrated over her homework. I knew it than and I know it now. As a mom who picks her fights with her kids, they are not expected to do and say a whole lot. Since they were young I have always made it a point to not tell them how to feel. You can be angry that mommy made you do that, made you stop that or whatever I was asking them to do but you still have to do it. They would say I don't want to but be doing what I asked and I was fine with that. Many of my friends and family will not accept that. You said what to me and the kid would get a slap, a swat, a spank, whatever. As long as they are doing it, they have the right to speak their mind. I want them to.

      You are right! She was definitely pushing my buttons and knows how. Goddess knows she has a safe place to fall and feels safe enough that we will always come around because we can't stay mad for long. We love them and life is too short to be worked up over little things but we can't handle disrespect. I know it is mostly my problem in always feeling I was disrespected for so many reasons and if you are a long time reader you may know some of them but that was also my fault. Never standing up for yourself will get you disrespected. We were fine afterward and I don't believe she really knows how upset I was because after listening to me read her the post she basically said, That was really long Mommy. I just shook my head and reminded myself that she is only 7.
      Thanks for weighing in. I appreciate it.

  6. Wow, I can relate!! My daughter is 12, and trust me, you want to nip this ion the bud NOW!! It only gets harder as she gets older. I'd have her volunteer at a soup kitchen or do something like that as a she sees how great she has it...or return the dog clothes. lol

  7. I'm going through this too with a six year old girl--maybe we've let them be little princesses too long?! I think you and Teach handled it right. My husband and I have started pointing out all the "above and beyond" stuff that we do for our daughter and I think she is starting to get it, that lots of kids don't get to do all the fun things she does or have the nice stuff she does and that if she EXPECTS these things instead of appreciates them, they can be taken away and stopped. I think it's the age and that they just need reminded every once in a while to hop off their princess thrones, not that they are true brats :)

  8. I actually think your reaction (and Teach's) is what teaches gratitude. Kids don't always have it naturally, I think, and I know many adults who have never learned it. But I remember an incident from my childhood that I still regret. I was about seven years old and my mom came home from a garage sale with a big brown bag for me. She was obviously quite pleased with whatever was inside. I opened it and found the entire series of Little House on the Prairie hardcover books. I was disappointed, and told my mom that I would have preferred Judy Blume books. I could see the hurt on her face...for a moment...then she sort of lost it! She was mad! I know it was terrible of me, but THAT is one of the earliest lessons I can remember that taught me if not gratitude, then at least simple manners. Sometimes you have to react with emotion and let kids see that emotion. That's how it's taught. Don't worry...Goddess will get it. Just try not to take it personally while you're waiting.

    I am sorry for your heart breaking, though. It sounds like a fantastic mom/daughter date! Take me next time! LOL

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