Saturday, January 08, 2011

Vampires Suck - A Hysterical Comedy - DVD Review

I am a huge Twilight Fan and will watch and read anything based on the story or characters so when Vampires Suck came out I was dying to see it.

Thanks to the 20th Century Fox DVD release of Vampires Suck this past November I finally got to see it.
In this adaptation of the story, Becca Crane played by Jenn Proske moves in with her father because her whore mother is shacking up with Tiger Woods.  There is something strange about Sporks. There are vampires everywhere.  She meets Edward Sullen played by Matt Lanter and of course falls desperately in lust. When he tries to reveal himself to her by stripping off his shirt and showing her his bling she guess that he is a Jonas Brother. He finally tells her that he is a vampire which she states would have been her next guess.

For her 18th birthday he brings Becca home to meet the family but things go horribly wrong when she gets a paper cut and they all try to eat her. Fortunately someone ordered Chinese food and the delivery man is quickly tossed to them so that Ed and Becca can make their narrow escape.

He brings her to the woods where he leaves her but not before he saves her from, three dangerous vampires. He kills Jack (James) by knocking his head off with a baseball bat.

Becca is attended to by her friend Jacob White who is just as hot as Tyler Lautner. He makes her feel safe and takes his shirt off often because it is in the script to happen every 10 minutes.

Edward is living in Italy with Lady Gaga when Iris finds him to tell him she had a vision. Becca had a motorcycle accident and is dead.

Edward can't live with this and heads out to have himself killed before Iris can tell him that her vision was wrong.

Iris picks up Becca and explains what Edward is going to do. They race to the prom where he will reveal himself and his saggy, butt to the Zolturi who are party animals and would never miss a prom according to Iris.

He reveals himself while Becca tries to run through the red cloaked, prom crowd. Getting involved in a jello fight and trying to get through a group of Team Edward and Team Jacob teenagers fighting each other.

Edward is forced by the Zolturi to make Becca Vampire. He agrees after she accepts his proposal and ring. He bites her. A Team Jacob chick takes him out and is attacked by a Vampire Becca.

What I Can Tell You:
That is the movie in a nutshell. The actors are awesome and do the characters major justice.  All the nuances are there.  Bella's downcast eyes, hair behind the ears every second, weird mouth movements and stutter.  This is the actresses first movie and she is totally and completely Bella.  She deserves an award for being Kristen Stewart.  Edward, is hot even with the rollers he uses to create the now famous coif. Which he sports when watching Becca sleep.

I loved the entire movie and watched it with a complete smile on my face and can't wait to watch it again with friends.

There are some truly hysterical scenes if you like stupid humor. Like her father tells her that he left her bedroom the way she left it and when he opens the door there is a crib and toys in it. He stuffs a pacifier in her mouth before walking out of the room.

There is even a quick nod to Stephanie Meyer. I thought it was hysterical and think Twilight fans will love it.

Right now, I have a tremendous desire to re-watch Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse which were all in this condensed version.

To Purchase Head Here: Vampires Suck

Special Features

* *   Theatrical Version
* *   Unrated Version

* *   Deleted Scenes
* *   Gag Reel

Audio: English: 5.1 Dolby Digital / French: Dolby Surround
Language: Dubbed: English & French / Subtitled: English & Spanish
Theatrical Aspect Ratio: Widescreen: 1.85:1

Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of Vampires Suck courtesy of 20th Century Fox.


  1. I saw this and thought it was just another dumb teen movie made into a spoof. I guess it was funny, but I'm just tired of all the spoofs they make off decent characters. I'd rather they spoof the bad stuff. LOL.

  2. That sounds hilarious!

  3. Your review is totally hillarious. Maybe I'll watch this if it comes to Netflix instant play.
    arobimom at gmail dot com

  4. I love it! The movie sounds great and the review is soooo funny.



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