Monday, January 28, 2019

Keeping Relationships Alive With Your Partner After Baby By April Kirkwood, LPC Therapist, Author, Speaker

“First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes  baby in the baby carriage.”

It’s three in the morning and a young couple have been up all night trying to soothe their first born who is in misery cutting her first tooth. The unexperienced Daddy tries to search for the ‘suction’ nose ‘thingy’.  Mom stares down as shes rocks her baby, realizing that her PJ’s reek of the smell of urine. All of a sudden, the new Daddy rushes in waving the suction apparatus victoriously, balancing a cup of coffee in his other hand like a superstar with his sunglasses on. Their eyes meet and they both crack up uncontrollably, watching in shock as the dog pees on their new rug. In that second, their two hearts become one, recognizing how very much they both truly love one another.

This short vignette represents several key habits and practices that will increase the odds that this and any marriage will not only survive the first year with a their new baby, but that they will be together to celebrate their fiftieth anniversary. Here are the key elements that can make living with a child not only bearable but fulfilling creating a bond that lasts forever.
  1. Work as a Team 

This man and woman work as a  both equally involved in the upbringing of their little one. Their joint participation is observable throughout the entire process of this ‘baby nightmare’ moment. Both parents are united and invested in the best for their off spring. Both parents share in the developmental trauma of ‘cutting teeth’ and are working towards learning how to make her feel better and comfort her. 

2.  Be Kind

Both speak thoughtfully consciously avoiding words and actions that will only heighten the tension in the room. No one is shouting orders from the sidelines.  There is no blame or and making the situation more stressful then it already is. There is no bickering about who lost the suction. 

3. Stay in the Moment

The focus is kept on the present issue at hand; how to help their baby.  No one is whining about the smell of urine or how they are going to get to work tomorrow. Even the dog urinating on their new rug does take their attention away from their sick child.  Staying the moment helps everyone stay on task. 

4.  Have Fun

Research states that the mind cannot process two opposing emotions simultaneously.  The use of humor flips the switch and the scene transforms in to a comedy between young lovers.  This is the stuff that sustains couples through the highs and lows of life. 

Everything that makes a marriage fulfilling has nothing to do with the size of the house you live in, how many exotic vacations to far off places you visit, or the savings in your bank account.  Marriages that last are composed of respect and dedication to their story actually  create ‘happily everafter.” together.  

April is currently a radio/TV personality and a public presenter that can speak on the following topics:

-The Journey Home from Here: explore multi-generational unspoken messages that keep you from running your race
-Love and Romance; Why you fell so hard and how to make sense of it all.
-Stories that Help or Hurt Us: Editing out the lies that keep us in the dark night of the soul
-Working My Way Back To Me: April’s truth and her methods of living with every moment of it.
-The Child Inside: Meeting and Loving the child within

Retail:  $14.95. Pre Sale begins August 1.  See website.

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